On Becoming a Mom and Life BCE (Before Claire Evans)

In honor of my first Mother's Day, I am sitting down to make myself be reflective. I used to be very introspective before becoming a mom, but now my abilities have waned, my memory and attention span are embarrassingly small. Claire turns 11 months today and the time has flown by, so it’s a challenge to pause and consider what this day means.

I almost can’t remember life before she was here. I know it was wonderful and spontaneous and more clean… but I wouldn’t trade her for anything. Though the past 11 months have been exhausting at times, largely, they have been a dream. I feel so blessed that she is our kid. She is smart and confident and fun to be around. She sleeps a ton, eats everything we give her and has never been sick! She has completed 28 flights and has traveled with us to 5 time zones and 12 states. Crawling at 7 months and walking at 9 months. Good job, baby. Watching her try new things (swimming, pony rides, testing out her strength and voice, playing with toys and Burly and alongside other kids) has been such a joy. I love watching the world through her eyes, so much wonder and discovery. No wonder Jesus said we were to be childlike.

Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am to be her mom, I am in awe of her. And while I’m so proud of every new developmental milestone, a little piece of me is nostalgic. Everything is happening so fast. Only 7lbs, 5oz. and 20 inches at birth, she’s since been off the growth charts over 100% She’s been wearing 18 month clothes and some 2 year old clothes already. Where did my little baby go? And when she moved down the hall from us (at 10 weeks) I missed her. I felt like the next thing I know, we’ll be moving her into her sorority or dorm. Time is flying. So I am trying to soak it all in and be grateful.
Some days when we mess up nap time due to being out, or if we’re home all day long, I can get fatigued or go a little crazy, and wish for circumstances to be different. Some times I wish I was working at least part-time to exercise my gifts and talents more fully, and I feel sorry for myself that I’m staying at home. But truthfully, I know this season is short, and so sweet; and we’re blessed to be able to afford for me to stay home. So I don’t want to take it for granted.

Before I was a mom, I wasn’t a big fan of babies in general. I didn’t really ever wish to have one. I loved life just the way it was, and wanted to continue being selfish with my time. I thought a baby would just cramp my style. But now I can’t get enough of this curly blonde little lady who flashes her six-toothed smile at me all day long and melts my heart. I love who she is and I love who she has made me become, more graceful, more present, way less swayed by others’ opinions. Just as I watch sweet Claire learn and grow, I know I will continue to do the same throughout this journey we are on together. Grateful to be her mom this Mothers Day.