SuperNanny and other Resources- HELP US, PARENTS!

We have no idea how to be good parents. Like zero. We think we will be good parents, but really, we have no experience in this realm. Foreign territory. Babysitting here and there, nannying in college for good, disciplined, older kids is NOT the same as the journey we are about to embark on in 2 months with baby Claire. This has never really alarmed me until the past 3 hours when we both wanted to strangle the little maniac sitting (un)fortunately RIGHT BEHIND us on the plane to TX. I'm not just talking about kicks in the back, here, folks. From the moment we got on the plane, when he was screaming ad nauseum, "I WANT a TOY, GIVE ME that car, I WANT a DRINK, I WANT a SNACK!!!!!!!!"" everyone within earshot of him said, "You know what we want? We want duct tape..." THEN he ran down the aisle away from his mom. Great. And to bribe him back to the seat, he was given candy and juice. SUGAR!!!!! JUST what he needed to calm right down. UNbelievable. And his mom said to me, "I wonder why he hasn't taken his nap yet?" You wonder?! He is so spooled up, even with earplugs his piercing voice has been plaguing me the past 3 hours. He has been tearing pages out of books, hitting his mom, you name it, little Everett has tried it, totally dominating his mom. Los is biting his fingernails in stress and I am freaking out, because we only imagine Claire as angelic. What if her tendency is to be demonic as well? What do we do? How do you discipline and give good boundaries? Neither of us had a model that would be helpful to us now growing up (his was more strict than we'd like, mine was more lenient than we'd like) so we need some advice. That's where you come in.
We just left our great friends, the Flory's, who are already 2.5 months into being awesome parents. They showed us some cool books they have used as resources, and I thought I would ask you all in blog-dom as well; what are tools you've used and read to become great parents of great infants and toddlers. Do tell, oh wise ones. We are all ears!

Drama Drama Drama

Long time, no blog. So, every time I've tried to write, my browser has shut down. I don't know if we have some kind of random virus, but other applications (iTunes, Word, Excel) have also been shutting down intermittently, and I can't even download Firefox, so I don't know what's up with our computer. I'm taking it to the Genius Bar in San Antonio tomorrow. We're going there for the 1/2 Marathon that I'm supposedly walking on Sunday... We'll see about that! The good news is my mom said she'd buy me a new MacBook for an early Christmas gift, thanks mom!!! That's a huge relief to our financial woes. That's about the only good news I have to share today, everything else from the past week has been rough, to say the least.

1. We moved into our beautiful new home, and promptly found there to be NO REFRIGERATOR! Um, what? The owners moving out conveniently forgot to disclose that in their contract... Luckily we have a 'beer fridge' aka mini fridge that we were able to use while we scrambled to go buy a new one. We were incensed, and when Los diplomatically confronted the lady about reimbursing us for the expense, or providing a new one, she basically said, "nope, screw you." She also took the fire extinguisher and the shower rod from the guest bath. Really? Who does that? So, we didn't start off on the right foot, per se. And it was pretty funny that as soon as we pulled up to the house with Burly (his first time seeing it), he got out and started puking all over the place. There was my sign.

2. Then Los left, and went to Houston for the week, for a class. Burly and I supervised the movers the next day, who revealed that multiple pieces of our furniture had been broken from the move. Great. So I have that to deal with. Also, they forgot to set up the washer/dryer all the way, so the first time I turned it on, water flooded the utility room. AUGH! Good thing we have fancy Italian tile that was easy enough to sop up.

3. And maybe worst, is when I got my car, which had been shipped across the country, there was shattered glass across the entire back! I'm still finding glass. The back window was bashed in, and replaced, but the driver won't admit to it! So we're super frustrated about that situation. And we don't know whether anything was stolen or not, but insurance doesn't seem to want to help us, since the window was replaced...

4. In my first week living here, I saw an albino gecko (way too close, on my front porch) and Los said he saw a (1 foot long, but still) SNAKE in our driveway... So that puts me on edge every time I go outside. A little different than Seattle.

Despite all our drama, some good stuff has happened. I went to Houston for 2 nights, and had a great time there. I'm realizing that if I want to succeed in living the "slow" beach life here for 3 years, I just have to know I can drive to culture elsewhere. I got my hair chopped off (shortest ever) in Houston, which was a treat. And our house is slowly being put together and is very livable. Kiesha told us that the Vienna Boys' Choir was in town, so we saw them Tuesday, and they were amazing as always. Los finally started work (after an awesome month off) yesterday, and we're headed north tomorrow morning, so things are a-movin. With all that's been happening the past month, I'm not what you would call trained for this 1/2 marathon, though; so Sunday should be interesting... Talk with you soon (hopefully)

Awkward Change

I never finished posts about our trip across the country.  My goal is to do that today, but so far I have been in a funk, no kidding, since we crossed the Texas border line.  Reality set in that we weren't just on an epic 3,000 mile roadtrip.  No, no, we were moving to this new foreign land that quite frankly has nothing on the west coast in terms of beauty.  I grew up right by the Sierras and Yosemite, then in college moved to a place that is gorgeous with water and mountains (albeit rainy) daily.  Moving to a land of hot, dusty brown flat terrain is less than ideal.  My heart sunk as this reality set in, and I felt deep within me the need to cry it out.  Like full on sob, grieving what I lose (not only natural beauty, but deep friendships and closeness to at least one set of family) in moving here.  I have tried on multiple occasions the past week to cry, but tears won't come, so thus far I just feel stuck in sadness, loneliness and depression.

Needless to say, it's been a brutal transition, and that's not easy for me to admit or write about.  I want to be the positive adventure gal that is fired up about everything.  Instead I feel like the Psalmist lamenting in misery to God.  I have been sleeping a lot, and emotionally down when I'm awake.  I'm trying to make choices to exercise (walking the beach, etc. which is pretty cool) and eat well, and to reframe life.  I don't want to stay stuck in my self-induced pity party.  But at least for my first week here, that's where I've been.

Life is just going to look very different here.  Slow.  Which feels unfamiliar after the past 3 years of graduate school and traveling like crazy, and having tons of people to spend quality time with.  I have felt purposeless here, which is an awful feeling.  And untrue- we aren't purposeful because of what we can check off of our to-do lists.  We are purposeful because God delights in us and chooses to make himself known through us.

I think this second week will look better than the first.  There are still so many question marks...  the economy going down took away my potential job as a hospital chaplain, so now I've been interviewing at churches here.  There are some interesting options, but nowhere that's the obvious fit.  We get our new house and all our stuff back this Sunday/next Monday, which will be a treat, to have our own space, after living in other people's space out of suitcases for the past month.  I will meet with an infertility doc to talk about our options to become parents, and slowly some of our question marks will be erased.  

In all of this, I am grateful for Los, who's been such a servant to me, and an encourager when I've felt constantly down.  I love him so much for knowing exactly how to be my best friend and strong when I feel massively weak.  I know that God will do a new thing in our lives individually and as a couple in this new season, so here's to having no idea what the future looks like!  Please pray for me:)

Git Er Done… (our last week in WA!)

Well, it is finally down to the wire! T minus 6 days until the epic drive across our fair country begins. We have been conquering the longest TO-DO list in the history of my life (save for the pre-wedding TO-DO list, but that was full of inconsequential things like: borrow flower vase for gladiolas).

Can I just say AMEN for awesome customer service at Patagonia, REI, Super Jock n’ Jill, Williams-Sonoma and Nordstrom. We have made about $700 returning things we didn’t want/like/use without a hitch! Love that. We even MADE money returning 12 mugs we never use to Williams-Sonoma, and this is WITHOUT a receipt. They’ve gone up in price since our wedding 3 years ago, to $21/mug, pricy! So that’s awesome that we were able to continue paring down. We also sold the kitchen table and 6 chairs we got for free for $175, which is fun. On top of that, I brought back Saucony running shoes that are hurting my left arch (but have been used for a year!) and they exchanged them out for brand new shoes at no cost. YES!

So we are feeling good about what we have remaining. I’ve blogged before about Rob Bell’s challenge to his church during the God is Green sermon series. He said, “If you were to move tomorrow, what would you sell, donate, give away, recycle, throw away. Well why not do that today?” That mantra has been something we’ve tried to live by the past year and a half, simplify, simplify!!!

And so our day has actually come, we ARE moving tomorrow, and we no longer have piles of stuff we don’t want or need. Movers come tomorrow morning at 8:15, giddy up! We’ll be living out of suitcases for the next month, as we galavant around the country, taking our time to enjoy different people and places en route to our new home.

Though our TO-DO list is long enough to make any sane person dizzy, we have also been taking time to enjoy our last week in WA. We’ve been getting quality time with everyone we love, and are looking forward to having dinner at Canlis (Seattle’s best restaurant) with Erik and Monica on Friday night, after seeing Erika and Jodi for a last time. I also get to see JJ and Lisa, since I’m going up to the Couv on Sunday night, which will be fun.

We used our last free movie tickets (thank you Boeing!) and saw EagleEye, which was a fun action flick with Shia LeBeouf (I love saying his name) and Michelle Monaghan (I may have a girl crush on her). Yesterday we took our last ferry ride, on a beautiful morning. Then we had lunch in downtown Seattle with Erik at Palomino and shopped for grooming necessities at Aveda/Nordstrom, and visited the newest H+M. We went to Green Lake one last time, for our and Burly’s sakes. He goes crazy at that place, with all the other dogs/stimulation. Last night we had dinner at the fabulous local/organic Tilth restaurant, that I think every Seattleite should try, it is so amazing.

On Kiesha’s recommendation to “EAT AS MUCH FISH AS POSSIBLE BEFORE LEAVING THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST!!!!” I had a pistachio-encrusted Cod for lunch that was fantastic. Then at dinner with Jonathan and Lynnea (love them, will miss them, we’re trying to talk them into coming to S. Africa with us for World Cup 2010), we had all kinds of awesomeness. The world’s best Halibut, pork belly, chicken, faro, quinoa, a cheese plate straight from heaven, and heirloom melon with mint, feta and anise hyssop, unbelievable. So creative, who thinks of that kind of stuff! Three hours and two bottles of Northwest wine later, we were quite happy campers.

I’ll miss that place, and everywhere that we have fabulous memories in Seattle, which will remain in my heart as one of the most awesome cities in our country, even if we never live close by it again. So if you’re wondering where I am this next week, it’s either checking off our gargantuan TO-DO list or being sentimental about this place I love so much and am sad to leave.

Pastor Casey?

The Job Situation
Okay, so I made myself walk to school today (1.5 miles in lovely Pasadena) so I could pray about some things regarding the future. I have been a student for 25, count them 25 YEARS. A quarter of a century. Unbelievable. So I have this ridiculous expectation that someone is going to hire me for $50-$100K right out of school and I’m going to have a dream job.
Except the problem is, we’re moving to South TX. So far, I’m not so sure that dream jobs exist there? And not being there myself, it is hard to get the feel for people and communities. God usually surprises me by bringing up something I never would have thought of, or designing life in a way I never would have expected life to work. So far so good, I have ZERO complaints about life thus far. So I should expect God’s covenant faithfulness to me to come through yet again. Why do I doubt? Oh yeah, it’s because my list of super sweet options for pastoral work so far are:

#1- solo pastor to a church of 50. Coming from a church of 3500, that’s hard to imagine.
#2- solo pastor to a small church of Filipinos! Even more awkward, as my Tagalog is less than sub-par☺
#3- Chaplain to an international boarding high school (cool, but a 45- minute drive each way)
#4- a substitute chaplain at the local hospital system (that already has 20 chaplains)
or today I found out about
#5- a 350 member church that wants a pastor part-time for youth/children. This may be my best prospect yet?

None of these are positions I fell in love with immediately, though some may be things I could get excited about when I actually meet the people/hearts involved. I am grateful for good counsel from pastor friends around the nation who I’m checking/balancing with (like a good Presbyterian). Here’s some of the advice I got today:
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What does have your name all over it is being a pastor. The context in which you do it matters in terms of fit and personality. But the work of being a pastor is the same irrespective of where you do it. The thing to note in process with any church is the health of the congregation and what pathology you're willing to deal with (and what pathology you need to run away from). In your first job you don't want to go to a place that has a history of being abusive to pastors. But if it's just a small dying church and they need you to do Mother Theresa work, that's not necessarily a bad thing and in my mind better than a hospital chaplaincy. Let's talk more, but that's the short answer.
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Here is what I can tell you from my experience:
Go to a place that you can buy into and support...
(1) the mission of the church- the explicit and implicit mission. (What do they say they want to be and do? What are they actually being and doing?)
(2) the model of ministry- their approach to programing/ structure/ philosophy (small groups vs sunday school? simple vs cafeteria approach? I would never go into a church to change or fix it as an associate, but to support and further what God is already doing.)
(3) the culture- the style, the vibe, the feel, the risk-taking/ adverseness, the friendliness, the age, uniformity/ diversity (this may be the most important thing in going to a church that no one ever talks about. Will you have to make apologies for what they do or how they do it? Is this the church you would chose to go to if you were just moving to town and you were going to pick a church to attend?)

Ask tons of questions of everybody. Ask them about their biggest change they've made in the last year. Ask the senior pastor what he is specifically and activity leading toward right now. Ask them about the last big disagreement and how they handled it. Ask about why staff has left. Get the names and numbers of previous staff and talk to them (don't skip this step).

Give Los total veto power. Don't ever go anywhere that Los isn't 100% called to.

Finally, don't settle. God is not a god of compromise. He hasn't called you to a mediocre place.
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AMEN
This advice seems to be good across the board, so maybe it will speak to some of you too?

Being a Prophet Sucks, or, 'anyone got a bullet proof vest I can borrow?'

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Judgement Day

This morning I got up early. I have been feeling anxiety about this day for 3 months, ever since I got my speeding ticket and decided to mitigate. I have rehearsed my story ("I have a really good reason, sir...") over in my head 1,000 times. I got dressed in a professional outfit, considered which shade of lipstick a judge would most likely prefer and went on my way.

When I got to court, I was quite entertained by the irony and comedy of the situation. I was corralled into a room of about 25 people, all of whom you would never naturally place together, so it made for great people-watching. There were business professionals in suits, glittery, gum-smacking teens just a hair over 16, and 'trailor park trash' to boot. We were all brought together by breaking the law, how sweet, the nervous energy in the room was palpable.

We all arose when the honorable judge entered the room and I began listening to everyone else's story. It was amazing how many people were kissing up to him (e.g. "I am ashamed to be standing here, sir. I am a Canadian citizen and it is a privilege to be a guest in your country," etc.) What a load of crap this guy must hear every day! How does he keep a straight face? I did the math, thinking that if he comps everyone's tickets to $100 just for showing up, what's the point of telling a story- the court is making thousands of dollars an hour! The 25 of us were just the 8:30 group, there was another herd of suckers coming in at 9 and again at 9:30.

By the time it got to me, I decided that I'd rather not follow the mold of everyone else- not having a ticket on my record/insurance matters more to me than getting a deal. So I took the deferral, which says if I don't get another ticket in 1 calendar year, this one will be kept off all records. It's a pretty cool option that WA has, I don't know about elsewhere. I figure that since we're moving in 4 months, my odds are pretty good (since I haven't had another ticket this decade).

As I left, I thought about all the biblical parallels of the Judge and judgement. I am glad that the Judge we have is not only just, but loving, merciful (not giving us what we deserve) and gracious (giving us what we don't deserve). Unlike this judge, Christ paid the price on our behalf. It is costly grace, yet it is offered freely. I drove away feeling grateful.

Gas is Brains

A famous saying along Ruta Cuarenta (Route 40) is “gas is brains.” This is no joke; if you haven’t noticed from Joel’s photos by now, this place is not developed hardly at all. It is breathtakingly beautiful for a reason- it is raw nature! So all guide books say to fill up with gas every chance you get, since you JUST DON’T KNOW when you’ll come across gas again! We were smart and had our rental agency mark on our map every place there was a diesel fill up station. Some times it was as ghetto as this picture of a little hut; but beggars aren’t choosers, we were grateful! Getting gas that day was hilarious, Carlos had to go walking around their dirt-road ‘town’ to find the gas person, knocking on doors of multiple homes. That situation was classic in a way that makes me cringe.

One time we stopped at a station to find out they were “out” of gas until Saturday at the soonest- problematic since it was Tuesday! We tucked our tails between our legs and drove 100+ extra miles back to the last place we knew (or rather, hoped) there was gas. Fortuitously, it ended up not being a problem for us. However, friends we met from Chicago, Michael and Alicia were counting on there to be gas at that station; we never found out what happened to them… Hopefully they won’t show up on the side of a milk carton or in those things we get in junk mail some day as missing persons- they were nice.

Blessed Chaos and Counseling

I feel like my brain might explode, there’s so much going on in life right now. I don’t think I realized it since it’s just this season of my life, and when you’re in that state, you’re going day by day, and don’t get the bigger perspective; but a pastor I met with last week said that Los and I have so many active components and ambiguities that it is really stressful. With all of Los’ traveling, my school, ordination exams, moving (somewhere?) next summer, contemplating selling our house and pregnancy, and me working at the hospital now (on top of our other investments, friends and family) there’s just so much happening. In a really good way, it’s painful, all of this learning that is happening; but it’s to the point where I’m having a hard time fitting everything new in my brain.
I love being at the hospital, which is stretching me and challenging me. Something that’s very important to me is that my life has integrity, so practicing awareness of ‘resistance’ takes so much work, for introspection and healing. We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves, so whenever we get upset about something, looking at why that issue pushed our buttons is a hard task!
So Los and I might start doing some counseling, to be set up for success. We have started talking about starting a family, but we’d like to feel as healthy as possible before that, since everyone counsels us that when your family expands, issues can be exacerbated. We don’t really have problems, but we certainly experience ‘resistance’ toward some things the other does or says; I don’t know if it’s possible to ‘fix’ that or not; but we could stand to grow in awareness of the deeper issues which trigger little explosions from time to time. Starting to practice this discipline has taken me off (and others off) any high horse. Now I am noticing flaws, or ‘growing areas,’ all the time! So we’ll see where we go from here? Growth is always good, and even if it’s painful, I am glad for it. It’s certainly not boring!

Thank God for Pumpkin Spice Lattes...

Seriously. They are back in your friendly neighborhood Starbucks (or in my case, one of the many Starbucks' in the neighborhood), and their timing couldn't be better; boy do I need them... The joys of grad. school. Inspired by my friend Nick, I thought I'd do a countdown of my insanity. For one of this week's 3 exams, in the next 10 hours (note, that would mean I will not sleep tonight, hence the gratitude to Starbucks for the quad-shot venti latte) I have to write 15 pages by 6am. Why 6am? Because then I have to drive to school to turn it in. There's no emailing or mailing this one in, it must be hand-delivered, l-a-m-e. And then I turn around on the freeway and start reading for my second one, due by midnight on Saturday... And I did mention that I fell down the stairs and my neck/back feel like I was in a car accident, didn't I? But, alas, I have no time to go to the hospital until at least tomorrow. Maybe I can read in the waiting room.

Oh don't you all miss school? Good times. Wish me luck. As I always say, it's not the writing of 15 pages that I have a problem with, it's the figuring out what to say for 15 pages that gets me... Here goes...