Mariage and Divorce: Holding on to Hope

There was some song in the 90s that had the lyrics "Joy and Pain, Sunshine and Rain" (I think they included a "pump it up, pump it up!" if you recall). That's where I am this week. Two special friends just got engaged and are glowing, couldn't be happier to spend their lives together. They asked us to stand up in their wedding with them, we could not be more honored to do that, and we're thrilled to walk alongside them, and they us, for this season of life in S. Texas and whatever future seasons we may have near them.

There's some scripture about sharing in the joys of some and the sorrows of others. Simultaneously, as one couple of friends is joining, another couple of our friends are contemplating ending their marriage, and for them my heart is wrenched. I wish I could say that this is the first time I've known people my age to get divorced, but that's far from the truth, even in my 20s. I'm a product of divorce too, so I know the damage it causes kids intimately. It devastates me that over half of today's marriages end in divorce. I'm not saying that in every circumstance it should be avoided, but how flippantly people can treat something so destructive is the dangerous part.

For Christians, marriage is a covenant relationship, not just a contract that you enter into for a time, to get out when the going gets tough; yet that's how we often treat it. We promise "for better and worse." God's covenant faithfulness to us never ends, yet our commitment to each other is all too often thrown out the window in favor of self-preservation, a natural (but not always Biblical) instinct. The problem with the promise we make in our weddings is, that when we say the words for better or worse, we never imagine that WORSE will come. All we can imagine is the BETTER. Maybe we theoretically believe that worse could come, but the form of it always takes us by surprise. Maybe we are devastated. Maybe we are betrayed. Some mix of pain and anger consumes us, and trust is lost; even worse, hope is lost. And that is deadly.

Comparison is never helpful, but I know that Los and I haven't had as easy of a marriage as some, nor as hard of a marriage as others, so I can't imagine the pain some of my friends have felt or currently feel, as they wade through the muck and mire that was once their hope and dreams. I don't know how their situation will end. All I know is that I watched their mouths utter the words for better or worse, and that makes me feel responsible to lift them up in their pain and fight for their marriage, for reconciliation. For redemption, for resurrection from death to life. We don't have to rest on our own strength, God's word promises to make us new creations, if we'll let God transform us (through God's word, yeah, but also through counseling, and good community.) I believe that if their hearts would be soft and repentant, and if they could extend the grace (that God extends to us first!!) they have received to their partner, who badly needs it; then hope is not lost. It is right to feel betrayed and wronged when you have been, absolutely, you deserve something/someone better, absolutely. But that doesn't mean that can't be with the spouse you have promised forever to. Maybe I am wrong not to validate the desire for divorce in this circumstance, but unless their pride and self-preservation proves me otherwise, I'm going to hold on to this hope, that God will do a new thing in their lives, and rebuild what has been shattered. Please join me from afar, in prayer, for my friends in Seattle.

I've been listening to a song by my favorite artist, David Crowder, a lot. The lyrics are a lot of my prayer, that God is with us from the beginning til the end and can meet us in the midst our pain/wounds and repair what has been destroyed in our hearts. May we all be made new. Enjoy.

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pain (Los' first blog)

If you are not familiar with ben towne and his cancer, case and i urge you to make some time and read about his life. the following is a link to his blog.. find it here.

For any parent who has ever loved their kid, or any person who has ever loved anyone for that matter, this story will wrench your heart.

Drama Drama Drama

Long time, no blog. So, every time I've tried to write, my browser has shut down. I don't know if we have some kind of random virus, but other applications (iTunes, Word, Excel) have also been shutting down intermittently, and I can't even download Firefox, so I don't know what's up with our computer. I'm taking it to the Genius Bar in San Antonio tomorrow. We're going there for the 1/2 Marathon that I'm supposedly walking on Sunday... We'll see about that! The good news is my mom said she'd buy me a new MacBook for an early Christmas gift, thanks mom!!! That's a huge relief to our financial woes. That's about the only good news I have to share today, everything else from the past week has been rough, to say the least.

1. We moved into our beautiful new home, and promptly found there to be NO REFRIGERATOR! Um, what? The owners moving out conveniently forgot to disclose that in their contract... Luckily we have a 'beer fridge' aka mini fridge that we were able to use while we scrambled to go buy a new one. We were incensed, and when Los diplomatically confronted the lady about reimbursing us for the expense, or providing a new one, she basically said, "nope, screw you." She also took the fire extinguisher and the shower rod from the guest bath. Really? Who does that? So, we didn't start off on the right foot, per se. And it was pretty funny that as soon as we pulled up to the house with Burly (his first time seeing it), he got out and started puking all over the place. There was my sign.

2. Then Los left, and went to Houston for the week, for a class. Burly and I supervised the movers the next day, who revealed that multiple pieces of our furniture had been broken from the move. Great. So I have that to deal with. Also, they forgot to set up the washer/dryer all the way, so the first time I turned it on, water flooded the utility room. AUGH! Good thing we have fancy Italian tile that was easy enough to sop up.

3. And maybe worst, is when I got my car, which had been shipped across the country, there was shattered glass across the entire back! I'm still finding glass. The back window was bashed in, and replaced, but the driver won't admit to it! So we're super frustrated about that situation. And we don't know whether anything was stolen or not, but insurance doesn't seem to want to help us, since the window was replaced...

4. In my first week living here, I saw an albino gecko (way too close, on my front porch) and Los said he saw a (1 foot long, but still) SNAKE in our driveway... So that puts me on edge every time I go outside. A little different than Seattle.

Despite all our drama, some good stuff has happened. I went to Houston for 2 nights, and had a great time there. I'm realizing that if I want to succeed in living the "slow" beach life here for 3 years, I just have to know I can drive to culture elsewhere. I got my hair chopped off (shortest ever) in Houston, which was a treat. And our house is slowly being put together and is very livable. Kiesha told us that the Vienna Boys' Choir was in town, so we saw them Tuesday, and they were amazing as always. Los finally started work (after an awesome month off) yesterday, and we're headed north tomorrow morning, so things are a-movin. With all that's been happening the past month, I'm not what you would call trained for this 1/2 marathon, though; so Sunday should be interesting... Talk with you soon (hopefully)

Calling in the Reinforcements (p.s. don't read this if blood/guts gross you out)

Bless my little Pug's heart, but he just doesn't have a ferocious bone in his body. Usually we appreciate this about him, and b/c of Los' being bitten by Pit Bull's, etc. in his youth, that's why we chose a super friendly breed... BUT lately I've been seeing more bunnies than usual in our back yard. We used to have 10 baby bunnies (not by our choosing) in our backyard, and encouraged them to leave asatch (as soon as they could hop). Since then, we've barricaded every possible entrance point to our yard. Except one. Our gate, which we built ourselves, goes to where the grass used to come to, when we had grass. But since we built the flagstone path, there's now a few inch gap in that space, and believe me, a few inches is all bunnies need to get through. It is amazing how flat they can make themselves.

Luckily for us, we don't have a ton of plants that bunnies like to eat. Our neighbors have had many plants destroyed by bunnies, so they have more reason to be frustrated. What we have, however, is a lot of good hiding spots for bunnies, so after they get their fill elsewhere, they seem to think it's okay to come over here and hang out, and disperse their pellets, if you know what I'm saying.

This is not cool. Especially, and most gross to me, because then Burly will eat said pellets, and vomit. SO- I've been trying to teach my dog to hunt the rabbits. But let's be honest, he has no hunter in him. So my second thought was just for him to chase them, and scare them away. Yeah, that's not working out so well either. Hate to say it, but they are way smarter than him. When I let him into the yard, he could be 5 feet from one and not sense it; a byproduct of having a smashed nose, I suppose? They have zero fear of him. By the time he does see one, and makes his jolly attempt to bound after it, they're well on their way to safety at another home, under the gate. I don't know if he even realizes it's another animal, and intruder at that, or if he just thinks they are like a moving tennis ball. He loves playing fetch, maybe I should spraypaint the bunnies bright chartreuse?

Anyway, so yesterday I had had it! So after seeing 4 bunnies in my yard, I decided to bring in the reinforcements. Burly's two best friends are our next door neighbor Lab and German Shepherd Gwen and Miss Parker. They are all fun and games when it comes to hanging out, and they have sleepovers with Burly, etc. but when it comes to hunting rabbits, they mean business. One time (super gross), Miss P brought in a dead rabbit and laid it the feet of our neighbor while she was iChatting on the computer. You can imagine how grossed out Joelle was:) I'm actually amazed that Miss P didn't devour it immediately after seeing what went down yesterday!

So, they came over and Miss P immediately began hunting the little varmint. I had to sacrifice some hostas and my bell pepper plant in the hunt, but they were worthy casualties of war. After 20 minutes of futile effort, I saw the bunny hiding under a geranium right by the gate. So I went over to the gate and called Miss P, she swooped in from one direction, and like athletes executing the perfect play, Gwen covered the other angle. When the bunny came out, it had no chance, as Gwen pounced on it. It all happened within 3 seconds, but it was like watching those nature shows on tv, or the Planet Earth series, where they show slow motion of beast on beast. Gwen had it in her mouth and Miss Parker came over and ripped the bottom half off of the bunny off (to share with her sister, naturally). One second I saw guts hanging out, the next, the bunny was gone, just like that. I'm pretty sure they didn't even chew!

Meanwhile, my little dog was biting the heel of Gwen, naively thinking that they were playing a game. Little did he know that a small victory had been won in the great battle of the garden. If these dogs could high-five, I would have high-fived them right then, proud of their accomplishment. But I sure as heck wasn't going to allow them to lick me! Thus ends this chapter of the garden bunny saga.

Call and Response

Another uncomfortable and thought-provoking (i.e. good) topic that's been cropping up in conversation lately is the human trafficking sector(i.e. slavery= bad). We've long been fans of International Justice Mission and Gary Haugen, but recently a few documentaries, articles and benefits that we've heard and read about have been getting attention, such as Invisible Children, Call and Response and Cargo. Please check out the links.

I read an article in Canada yesterday about the situation in China, which has more forced prostitution than ever, ramping up for the Olympics and a flux of international clientele. Even the thought of this makes me sick. The police know about most brothels, yet do nothing about them, since druglords rule the roost. The author of the article hid a video camera and went into a brothel, discovering many small rooms crammed with 20-30 girls and young women, waiting to be selected or rejected. I can't even imagine the devastation that does to a soul.

When we were on the bus to the airport in London, I saw 4 guys looking at a porn mag and I wanted to rip their heads off for objectifying women- and that's with women who choose to model their bodies! I can't even fathom the magnitude of the scale of people who would not choose this path for their lives, but have been forced into it! There are 27 million (at least) slaves in the world today, many of whom are children and women. This is double the amount of people in captivity when Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation.

They have no voices. You do. What will be your response?

Whatever you do for the least of these, you do unto me. -Jesus

Beetles and Bags of Tea

We finally were on the road to our Estancia, La Maipu. Argentina is famous for its’ ranches (estancias), and we were so stoked to stay in the same place for two nights, and to experience a working ranch. We were excited to go horseback riding again, to possibly shear some sheep, and to hike around the gorgeous terrain. So stoked that we made the effort to drive down a desolate road along 3 lakes, 70+ miles each way, to go to this particular Estancia.


On the internet it seemed like a great deal. Some of the all-inclusive Estanicas we really wanted to go to (like Helsingfors- $440/night) were priced steeply, whereas Maipu presented at only $140/night… But shortly after we got there, we realized we were gravely mistaken. We were shocked to learn that dinner (which was not included) turned out to be $25/person. Not the world’s biggest deal, but unfortunate considering that there was nowhere else to eat, and all they took was cash (a hot commodity considering the closest ATM was 4 hours away!) and it was frustrating that we were uninformed of the discrepancy. We then quickly learned that the activities were also not included in the price we’d pre-paid to be there. Horseback rides were going to be $50, no matter whether they were for 1 or 8 hours, etc.

Because we hadn’t seen this coming and were low on cash (from buying gas, and El Chalten) we took a while deliberating what to do. It was then that the hostess realized she was not going to be making much money from us and got disdainful toward us. In Spanish, she made rude remarks that implied we were wasting her time. Considering that we four were half of her guests, I was shocked by how off-putting she was.

It got worse. That evening, the Flory’s counted over 50 (cinquenta!!) bugs they killed in their room, no, in their BEDS; needless to say, their sleep was a little rough. I am sorry, but that is just unacceptable when we are paying $140/night. The next morning, when I tried to tell the hostess about that problem, she brushed it off, saying that bugs are normal (en serio?!). Unbelievable.
Being too disgusted to continue engaging that conversation, I switched the subject to ask what was included in breakfast. The night before we’d discovered the outrageous price of tea during dinner (6 US Dollars per bag!), but the tea was now on the table with other breakfast items that were free. So I asked simply if tea was included with breakfast, or if it still was $6?

This apparently put Ms. Maipu over the edge, because she then began berating me in Spanish. As I’ve said, my 15 years studying the language hasn’t brought me close to fluent, but I know enough to pick out phrases like: I’m not trying to rob you, I don’t care about 6 dollars more or 6 dollars less, if you guys don’t want to follow my rules, go stay somewhere else, I’ve been doing this for 7 years and have never had any problems with any guests until you…

Right. Didn’t see that coming. And the funny part was she never answered my question, so I responded to her tirade with, “…so, is the tea included with breakfast or not?” When the Flory’s joined us, she said it would be better for her and better for us if we left that morning. Intense. And just for good measure, she yelled at Joel for putting their nasty, beetle-ridden blankets on the ground in their room.

She was super sketchy, and the least hospitable person we’d ever met. She lied to a couple who left before us, saying the estancia had no gas, and their generator was out. Promptly after they left, the lights ‘curiously’ came back on… Joel wrote the Estancia booking company saying that in the 35 countries he’s been to so far, he’s never had this poor of service. Ah, the power of the internet. We’ll make sure anyone we can reach knows not to stay here. Compliments go far, but complaints go farther, and when your business is hospitality, being hospitable, I would argue, is a key component of one’s job.