On Marriage: Here I am, Send me! Or not. Maybe later...

Some times I wonder what was the deal with Isaiah 6, this great "sending" text we use in the Church. When Isaiah said, "God, here am I, send me!" was that the position of his heart no matter what? Once Isaiah heard what his mission in life was going to be, was he still on board? Or did he want to rescind his offer to be sent by God into a hurting world?
Some times I wonder about the same thing in my own life. Certain days I am like, "Yes God, USE ME!!" and yet there are times when I find out specifically how God might use me, I say, "nah, I changed my mind; get back to me with another, more lucrative offer..." Or even worse, "God, I meant can you use me on my own terms?" Anyway, gotta love our human frailty and self-focus:) Maybe this is why Isaiah made it into the Bible and I didn't:)

I have noticed recently that a lot of marriages aren't as healthy as they could be. Maybe this has always been the case, and I just have ears to hear about it now? I mean, there's the obvious and tragic statistics nationally, that so many marriages end, for one reason or another. But that seems nebulous, whereas the people I know who's hearts ache for something better, deeper, etc. seem to be increasing. Lots of wives have been sharing that they don't feel heard, safe or supported by their husbands. I'm sure if I was a dude, guys would be echoing that same sentiment to me. A lot of people seem unsatisfied with their marriages. Marriages aren't as urgent to maintain, like getting the bills paid, and the kids to school on time, so some people take them for granted and don't work on them. Military (or other job-required) separations exacerbate the problem as well. I am as guilty of this as the next person.

The past 6 weeks, we joined some neighbors in a marriage enrichment group that met short-term on Sunday nights. The sessions were heated and draining at times, as people shared their pain, anger and tears. Other than ourselves and the leaders, who've been married over 40 years, no one seemed to have very good habits in place for working through conflicts. For example, it was alarming to hear a guy say that he always "fights to win" and didn't seem to mind that that makes his wife of 18 years constantly withdraw. Or a wife of over a decade, say to her husband that she feels like she knows facts about him, but doesn't really feel like she KNOWS him. Pain. My heart grieved for these couples and so many others that have recently confided in us about their struggles.

So I asked the leaders where to refer couples that live locally and could really use some tools like those this group equip you with. I was hoping for a book, or an email address to recommend to people. To our surprise, the leaders then said they think Los and I should lead a group like this for 7 or 8 couples. Immediately, other couples affirmed that, and one even said they'd love to join our group. I was taken aback, mouth open, as I had not been interested in leading a group at all. I just wanted a quick fix to offer people, not the chance to really enter into their suffering and model/guide them toward health. Hence my questions about Isaiah, I've been praying, "Lord, do something for all these hurting marriages!" Not expecting or desiring at all that we might be part of the solution we're praying for...

So that brings us to today, as we're now considering leading one of these groups. I have no idea what it would look like, and if the 3rd trimester of pregnancy is the right timing for it, but it seems to be something growing in our hearts, marriage ministry. We are blessed to be a blessing, and if we could facilitate a space for other people's growth and freedom, that would be very cool, albeit a surprising new venture for us. Who knows where it could lead? So I'd love to hear from you married people out there!! What are the tools in your marriage that have made it work well for you?! What nuggets of wisdom do you have to pass on to others? How do you address areas in which you struggle? Any and everything you have to offer us would be awesome, either on this blog or in a private email. Thanks a lot friends, may we all grow in grace as we grow in age.

Our So-Called Life: Whirlwind Edition

So the winds of change are a-blowin' with hurricane force! Here are updates:

#1- OUR HOUSE SOLD! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! In this horrible buyers market, we were really nervous (read: I was really nervous) that I'd be stuck here until winter, with Los having to go ahead of me to TX. The market here has 10 months SOLID of inventory, our agent said she's only selling 3 houses a month!!! Compare this to 2005, when we bought: she closed on a house every other day! She said she took no days off, didn't vacation that year at all, and buyers were running around like mad. The day Los found our house, he was the first of 3 or 4 offers on the FIRST DAY it was on the market! Crazy... NOW the average house is taking 6 months to sell, and those are good houses, not crappy ones...

So the fact that our beautiful home took LESS than a month to get TWO offers, and for us to settle on a buyer and contract is nothing short of a providential miracle! I am oh so grateful, as it makes our move to TX right on time (as we thought out months ago), which NEVER happens! Our next door neighbors have been Geo-bacheloring from VA for 4 months so far with no end in sight, b/c getting out of their house is tricky, our other next door neighbors have put their house on the market TWICE in 3 years, with no luck, and are relocating to CA. Los' brother's house has been on the market in Seattle for 5 months while he's been in NY, and dropped $80,000 and still no offers, another friend's home just took 11 months to sell, so... WOW. I feel really blessed that this worked out so perfectly for us! We didn't make money, as we'd hoped to, but our peace of mind is priceless, as we don't know if we'll ever return to the northwest, and selling just made sense. Is my relief palpable to you?!

#2- WE GOT THE GOLF COURSE HOUSE IN TX! The link I posted this past month was to a slideshow of our fave house in TX (gorgeous custom home on the course: 3 bed/2 bath and amazing features everywhere- like the built-in 48 bottle wine cooler and gargantuan master closet, all of our clothes could fit in 1/6 of it!) We are so excited the owners picked us, when the realtor showed us around, it was by far our fave! We'll have wonderful neighbors (they gather once a month for wine/hors d'ouerves) and it's super safe/peaceful/gated community). After living near I-5 (I am such a light sleeper) I can't WAIT for our home to be somewhere SO QUIET!

So all this means...
#3- WE MOVE TO TX IN 3 WEEKS FROM TODAY! I can hardly believe it, even as I type this! It went from such ambiguity (will our house ever sell?) to GAME ON! So we're having a GOING AWAY PARTY THIS WEEKEND if you want to come? We'll be in Seattle trying to connect with people, and for Los' next race; and at home next weekend, when I may sky-dive with friends. The following weekend we have Kendall's wedding and then I'm going up to Canada to see JJ/Lisa and volunteer at Passion's World Tour stop in Vancouver. That will be fun, even though it means I won't sleep at our own home the last 2 nights we're in it. I'll drive back from Canada Tuesday morn and then we'll be off!

Our probable itinerary is as follows:
Tuesday 10/7- Lake Oswego, OR: playing with the Bishop's and buying stuff where there's no sales tax (can I say Apple store, with my 10% student/military discount?! Boo yah...)
Wednesday 10/8- Redwoods National Forest, CA
Thursday 10/9- Napa, CA and playing with the Flory's
Friday 10/10- Berkeley (maybe?) or Central Coast (SLO/ my parents' house in Los Osos)
Saturday 10/11- Fresno for my mom's 60th bday, woo hoo! Also FSU football tailgating and game with fam, fun!
Sunday 10/12-Flagstaff, AZ (or maybe Vegas, but probs not)
Monday 10/13- GRAND CANYON: we've never been, can't wait to hike around!
Tuesday 10/14- Santa Fe, NM (one of US' coolest, most unique cities, love it!)
Wednesay 10/15- Dallas and Austin, TX (we heart Austin, it's so awesome)
Thursday 10/16- shop and look at furniture (since we're selling ours on Craigslist for the most part)
Friday 10/17- arrive at the beach and new home. We're staying with some friends on the Island for 2 weeks until we can move into our new fab house on 11/2!

Many pics to come in the month to follow! Stay tuned to the life and times of the Evans adventures:)

Our Third (First) Anniversary!

Three years ago yesterday, Los said, "I do, do you?" And I said, "I DO!" But the next two September 10ths, the Navy took him half-way around the world to the Middle East... I coped, going to Cali and eating sushi/getting a massage/being with fam and friends... but they were anti-climactic days at best.


Not so yesterday! We enjoyed the beautiful weather (beginning of fall, leaves are changing color, woo hoo!) by driving up to Bellingham (the most gorgeous part of I-5) to spend the evening. Los surprised me by taking me to the fabulous Chrysalis Hotel and Spa for a few hours. It turns out a slice of heaven can be purchased for a couple hundred dollars! We basked in the sun on the deck, watching people drink wine or kayak in the bay as the sun sank toward the San Juan Islands.



Then we entered the spa, for the most recent highlight of my life. We were ushered into our respective locker rooms; and any residual worry that wasn't eradicated on the deck dripped out of my pores and down the drain in the heavenly steam room. Then we wrapped ourselves in luxurious robes and went to the relaxation room. We chose from six awesome types of tea, sipped and sank into the chairs that had a view of flora and a waterfall. Then eventually we were escorted to our room and given the most amazing massages. Los had never had one before, and after his triathlon (plus swimming a mile and running an hour on top of that), his body really soaked up every last heavenly touch. I usually critique my therapist mentally the whole time and can't fully relax (since I want to be a LMP in another lifetime); but boy did I ever relax last night. My therapist did some things no one has ever done before, and I now have a long list of other types of massage I want to try: Thai, Stone, Shiatsu, et al. No more Swedish for a while! It was like a dream that kept getting sweeter and sweeter. After more tea and more steam, I rinsed with their great local and organic products (I am a sucker for high-end #1-groceries and #2- bath products) and then floated out of there as if on a cloud.

We couldn't have enjoyed our time there more, and we HIGHLY recommend it to anyone in WA. They had a good wine bar and restaurant on the water as well, but since we are moving away so soon, we wanted to visit our favorite pizza place La Fiamma one last time.


For any vegetarian pizza- eaters, I have never found a pizza as amazing as their Major Grigio. They use Major Grey mango chutney as the spread, then pile on curried veggies and cheese, and top it with Thai spicy sauce, Sriracha. It's unbelievable. Maybe that combo sound unappetizing in writing (I was skeptical before I tried it the first time!) but it will change your life. I feel like if you're going to go out to pizza, it has to be something way better than what Papa Murphy's could give you to take home and bake... Los ordered a Potato Chicken pizza, which again sounds weird: garlic mashed potato spread with rosemary potatoes and grilled chicken on top, laced with balsamic on top; but it is sooo good (and mellow, to complement the spicy other one). We only go there maybe 3 times a year, but I will miss it, can you tell? They have my favorite Rosemary Lemonade too (which is a rip-off from The Herb Farm, which is the northwest's best restaurant- consistently ranked nationally and globally too; you can eat there if you have $200/person?!) La Fiamma offers it for $2.50, a little easier on the ol' pocket book; and they serve some awesome beers from local breweries.

It was so fun to have a special evening and reflect with Los on where three years has brought us- there's definitely been some bumps on the road, but overall the ride has been a glorious one. We met when we were 22, we're now 29- life as we know it is about to change radically. We are leaving our comfort zone of the west coast, I am leaving my comfort zone of academia, and hopefully we'll be leaving our comfort zone of singlehood, heading toward parenthood at some point soon. Much change is afoot; and we couldn't imagine a better partner to face it all and journey through life with. My step-grandparents have been married 63 years, we look forward to growing old together as they have. It just keeps getting better and better and we are grateful.

My Fuller Ceremony Message

1) In the beginning: 5 years ago, almost to date, as I began seminary, I wrote this poem. It is a reflection on the gospel of John and my prayer for myself as well as for all seminarians as we journey through this chapter of life.

Clear Paradox

Unfathomable, yet made known
Glorious, yet made visible
Eternal, yet entered time
Who are you?

Mighty, yet came as a baby
Powerful, yet humble
Just, yet gracious
Who are you?

Most high, yet descended
Killed, yet ascended
Tender, yet stern
Who are you?

Always steady, yet always new
Consecrated, yet compassionate
Wildly imaginative, yet simple
Who are you?

Light-shiner, temple-cleanser, world-saver, thirst-quencher,
bondage-breaker, food-provider, humanity-teacher, dignity-restorer,
eye-opener, shelter-giver, dead-raiser, feet-washer, heart-consoler, life-sustainer,
joy-lavisher, the ultimate intercessor,
and our King!

Oh sight-giver,
May we see,
Who You are.

“Who are you?” they asked.
“Just what I have been claiming all along,” Jesus replied.
(John 8:25)


2) In the past 5 years, some of my questions about theological matters have been answered, but I have more questions now. Jesus and the Kingdom of God in all things are more expansive concepts than I’d known previously. I now realize I’ll never know it all, but seminary has taught me how to be a life-long learner.

3) During seminary God has taught me not only to expand my view of the things of God but also my view of myself and my abilities. I used to pray the prayer, “God, what do you want me to do with the rest of my life?” I entered seminary as an act of obedience, but I used to not understand how I could fit into God’s church as a leader with my varied past and unpredictable future. If I were a pro athlete, I wouldn’t have very consistent stats. Even in seminary, I have lived in 3 corners of this country, been to many states in between and 4 other continents.

This cohort is the only thing that has kept me rooted (physically) in the past 3 years, and I am grateful. So it is no surprise (in hindsight) that it was during a homework assignment for one of our classes that I heard God tell me that in becoming a pastor all of the seeming disjointed chapters of my life could come together. They have congruence.

What is your story? Do the chapters seem random? Accidental? Or purposeful? When you have some time to reflect, I’d encourage you all to see how God may be binding together those chapters and the present with integrity, with a thread of congruence, to give you a glimpse of your future.

4) Now: this is the last ½ hour of my time as a student at Fuller Northwest. This week I was in the library, and I had a funny moment with God. I appreciated the irony that after 5 years of graduate education, and maybe 500 books I’ve checked out from the library, the last book I needed, was a Narnia tale from C.S. Lewis. I went to the PZ section, and it wasn’t there; so I looked at the reference number again, and found that the book, my last seminary book, was in the youth section. And I felt like God was telling me, “remember that with all you now know, you also need to stay like a child.”

If you haven’t read these by now, I don’t feel bad ruining the ending for you, since you’ve had 50 years to read them. There is an analogy of Narnia as they had known it, which is like looking into a mirror to see something, versus experiencing the real Narnia which has such a deeper, vast beauty. Lewis contrasts what the characters thought would be this small, dark stable, with an expansive land full of light and life.

Aslan invites everyone to, “come further in and come further up!”
“I see,” Lucy said at last, thoughtfully. “I see now. This garden is like the stable. It is far bigger inside than it was outside.”
“Of course, Daughter of Eve,” said the Faun. “The further up and the further in you go, the bigger everything gets. The inside is larger than the outside.”

That’s what seminary has been for me. Like Lucy, it has enabled me to see. And the “further up and further in” I’ve journeyed, the more expansive the Kingdom has become, and I am grateful. I hope you have a similar experience in your own journeys with God and in your classes with each other.

Birthday weekend

Some times when everything goes wrong, everything is right; though far from what you expected. Los and I planned this fabulous weekend away on the Washington coast for my birthday; and a couple hours into our adventure everything fell apart. “Our” plan was interrupted shortly after we reached the middle of nowhere, because my car decided to break down…
I was devastated. I lamented to some poor office lady at a crusty, greasy automotive shop how it was my birthday, and my spring break from school, and how my husband had just come home from the Middle East and I had such high hopes for this weekend… I am embarrassed to admit now that I felt so sorry for myself, I could not stop crying, what a sob story! But what could she do? It was 5pm in the middle of nowhere, on a Friday afternoon. Shops everywhere were closing, and my Acura needed a part that was hours away.
This was bad news to me, the kind of person that loves to plan details. I have been called anal, OCD, you name it… and I’m okay with that. I like order, I don’t like surprises. So when Los said that our weekend was going to be great, because, “God’s plans are always better than plans we can conjure up,” I was skeptical. That lasted about 3 minutes.
Rather than stay in this one-stoplight town, we decided to leave my car and carry our stuff (including dog crate, can you say awkward!) to the county bus station, to head back to Port Angeles, an hour and a half away. Thus began the grand adventure…
We had scarcely taken our seats when a young man clad in black skulls and bones sat across from us. I was too self-absorbed in my world of pity to acknowledge or engage him, plus, he looked scary; so I’m lucky that Los (my better half in many ways) is more mature than I. He began chatting with this guy who had lived his whole life in this small town, Forks. He said how thankful he was and how lucky he felt to live somewhere so special (on the edge of National Parks/forest/ocean) and beautiful. He got off the bus a minute later, at the stop for his home. All I could see out the window was a big trailer park…
He was in our lives one minute, and out the next; but I don’t think I will ever forget him. Forks is one of those places that are all across America, you blink and you miss them. Compared to the port cities or lakes/rainforests around it, it was a run-down little blip on the map, nothing special about it at first glance. But this guy’s pride and thankfulness for his home jarred me, as I reflected on how I had just written it off as some God-forsaken place of destitution.
How often in our lives are we so set on our goals that we miss the lessons/people along the way; judging them (as I had) to be insignificant. Life isn’t just about getting from A to B, but about the process of change we hopefully go through as we journey toward our destination. In a sense then, the journey IS the destination. I pray that it doesn’t take another “break down” to realize that I need to stop and look around at the beauty everywhere and in everyone.
He immediately impacted my attitude, and I took advantage of enjoying the mystery that was going to unfold throughout my birthday weekend. Los and I got a great room on the ocean, had a great time walking around the cute downtown, at dinner, and running along the shore. We bought a sweet chandelier (to be cool like Chris/Megan!) that will be a memory of the weekend for us.
Saturday we rented a car and went to the Quinault Rain Forest at the recommendation of Budget Travel; that was awesome. Ruby Beach, above Kalaloch, was another gem of a place. We had a lot of hilarious and awkward moments (e.g. not being able to find anywhere nice to stay Saturday night, so going to Ross to buy pillows before staying at a motel, where we listened to/yelled at the couple above us who were, as they say, knocking-the-boots for what seemed like forever, down to joining the horde of gay men dancing to techno on the ferry for the ride home) that will make that weekend memorable for a long time to come. Yes, it’s true, Los is right; the best stories never come from things you planned, when I thought everything was going wrong, everything was as it should be.