On Marriage: Here I am, Send me! Or not. Maybe later...

Some times I wonder what was the deal with Isaiah 6, this great "sending" text we use in the Church. When Isaiah said, "God, here am I, send me!" was that the position of his heart no matter what? Once Isaiah heard what his mission in life was going to be, was he still on board? Or did he want to rescind his offer to be sent by God into a hurting world?
Some times I wonder about the same thing in my own life. Certain days I am like, "Yes God, USE ME!!" and yet there are times when I find out specifically how God might use me, I say, "nah, I changed my mind; get back to me with another, more lucrative offer..." Or even worse, "God, I meant can you use me on my own terms?" Anyway, gotta love our human frailty and self-focus:) Maybe this is why Isaiah made it into the Bible and I didn't:)

I have noticed recently that a lot of marriages aren't as healthy as they could be. Maybe this has always been the case, and I just have ears to hear about it now? I mean, there's the obvious and tragic statistics nationally, that so many marriages end, for one reason or another. But that seems nebulous, whereas the people I know who's hearts ache for something better, deeper, etc. seem to be increasing. Lots of wives have been sharing that they don't feel heard, safe or supported by their husbands. I'm sure if I was a dude, guys would be echoing that same sentiment to me. A lot of people seem unsatisfied with their marriages. Marriages aren't as urgent to maintain, like getting the bills paid, and the kids to school on time, so some people take them for granted and don't work on them. Military (or other job-required) separations exacerbate the problem as well. I am as guilty of this as the next person.

The past 6 weeks, we joined some neighbors in a marriage enrichment group that met short-term on Sunday nights. The sessions were heated and draining at times, as people shared their pain, anger and tears. Other than ourselves and the leaders, who've been married over 40 years, no one seemed to have very good habits in place for working through conflicts. For example, it was alarming to hear a guy say that he always "fights to win" and didn't seem to mind that that makes his wife of 18 years constantly withdraw. Or a wife of over a decade, say to her husband that she feels like she knows facts about him, but doesn't really feel like she KNOWS him. Pain. My heart grieved for these couples and so many others that have recently confided in us about their struggles.

So I asked the leaders where to refer couples that live locally and could really use some tools like those this group equip you with. I was hoping for a book, or an email address to recommend to people. To our surprise, the leaders then said they think Los and I should lead a group like this for 7 or 8 couples. Immediately, other couples affirmed that, and one even said they'd love to join our group. I was taken aback, mouth open, as I had not been interested in leading a group at all. I just wanted a quick fix to offer people, not the chance to really enter into their suffering and model/guide them toward health. Hence my questions about Isaiah, I've been praying, "Lord, do something for all these hurting marriages!" Not expecting or desiring at all that we might be part of the solution we're praying for...

So that brings us to today, as we're now considering leading one of these groups. I have no idea what it would look like, and if the 3rd trimester of pregnancy is the right timing for it, but it seems to be something growing in our hearts, marriage ministry. We are blessed to be a blessing, and if we could facilitate a space for other people's growth and freedom, that would be very cool, albeit a surprising new venture for us. Who knows where it could lead? So I'd love to hear from you married people out there!! What are the tools in your marriage that have made it work well for you?! What nuggets of wisdom do you have to pass on to others? How do you address areas in which you struggle? Any and everything you have to offer us would be awesome, either on this blog or in a private email. Thanks a lot friends, may we all grow in grace as we grow in age.