What am I going to do with myself?

As of LAST NIGHT, I am OFFICIALLY DONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH SCHOOL!!!! (unless we go the Ph.D route in a few years)

I almost don't know what to do with myself. For the past 25 years of my life (read: QUARTER OF A CENTURY) I have been a student. No longer. I wrote 30 pages this week. I have massive carpal-tunnel and tendonitis in my left wrist and elbow. But I am done! Unbelievable. I have a list of like 30 things I want to do that I've been putting off, so I suppose I'll start chipping away at them until our move date in a few weeks. But so far, since I've been free, I have:

*Had an amazing (Jamie Oliver recipes I have to copy) dinner with friends Joey and Matt, who knew I could like beets so much?! They just moved to our neighborhood for Matt to be a yacht designer in Anacortes, and we like all the same games (Settlers and cards) and music and food; I am BUMMED they came right in time for us to leave!

*Gone to the world's best dog park: Magnuson in Seattle. I had never been there before and it is huge! We walked maybe a 1/2 mile or mile to the beach, where lots of dogs were swimming. Burly played around in the water with other dogs, but still isn't fired up to swim... we'll keep working on it. Afterwards, I took him to the expensive pet store to pick out some treats. I'm totally that kind of dog mom. It's funny, I can picture what I'll go through as a mom of children: as Burly was in the park, I wanted him to play nice, and make friends, and not be shy, and all this stuff... I can only imagine what anxiety or hopes I'll have when our kids go to pre-school and kindergarten!

*Now I'm at Starbucks in University Village, while Los is cycling for a few hours with some buddies. I LOVE people watching here. There are two sweet ladies in their 70s right across from me. I hope my friends and I do that when we're their age. There's lots of cute families crawling all over the place here too. It's fall here, the leaves are beautiful, and I'm enjoying wearing a down coat, knowing I won't be able to do so in TX. I'll miss cold weather clothes a lot! I love seasons, and I can feel myself starting to miss everything that I have loved about the northwest the past decade. I watched the Motorcycle Diaries for the first time this week (good movie)(Flory's, thought of you!!) and the main character said a quote I wish I could remember verbatim. They were on a boat between Argentina and Chile and he said something about having simultaneous melancholy for what he was leaving behind, and anticipation of what he was heading toward. That pretty much sums up how I feel. Seattle is such a gorgeous place (Corpus is so ugly in comparison) and I will miss all the wonderful people here. Yet I am excited for the new season of life right around the corner. I am excited to live on the golf course (LOW MAINTENANCE!) and go to the beach a lot, and wear tank tops whenever I want, and to work, and to have a baby eventually... Lots of stuff will be great in this new season.

But first, I'm just going to soak in the feeling of accomplishment that 5 years of graduate work is done. I love Jesus more, and have grown so much in this process. I am truly grateful.

Two weeks of blogs smashed into one entry

Here are a bunch of things running through my mind. I don't have long to blog the next couple of weeks, so in no particular order:

#1- When I was in LA last week for my LAST WEEK EVER of graduate school, there was a big buzz on campus that a fellow Fuller alum, Rick Warren (you may know him as the Purpose Driven Life guy) was hosting John McCain and Barack Obama at his church, Saddleback, for a discussion of faith, politics and all things election-related. I wish I could've gone, but my flight was for that morning. There are videos of this up on the internet and I'd encourage ya'll to check it out. I've heard critiques from the Right Wing "how dare you let Obama speak about abortion at a church!" and the Left Wing, "McCain had the upper hand listening to Obama and planning his rebuttal before his turn!" But whatever. I think it's an interesting and cool thing that Rick Warren did to invite both candidates to So Cal for this discussion. Check it out.

#2- Did you know that Louie Giglio of Passion is planting a church in Atlanta?! His worship leaders are none other than Matt Redman (moving here from England) and Chris Tomlin (leaving his church in Austin) and Christy Nockles (whom I love.) It's been something stirring around in Louie for a long time, and though it means leaving North Point and his good friend Andy Stanley, they are fired up about it. I've been thinking about it all day, wondering what it will be like, and how it will diverge from both Passion and NP. It's sure to be a mega-church mega-fast, that's the one thing I know. I look forward to visiting and hearing the podcasts. We can't wait to see Louie when the Passion World Tour comes to Vancouver in October!

#3- I am taking the biggest exams of my academic career on Friday and Saturday for 9 hours. They span the breadth of Scripture and historic apostolic Christianity (from Biblical times, to the early church, the Reformation, modern thought, etc.), and all Theology therein. As I answer, I must also be congruent with the Polity of the Presbyterian Church... I am just a little bit intimidated. So pray for me to pass. It's amazing/humbling how much I DON'T know after all these years studying this stuff!

#4- The night my exams end we are flying to TX. It's a red-eye, not ideal, but we wanted to max out the leave Los gets for free for house-hunting (9 days). We're only going to be in Corpus for 48 hours, but in that time, hopefully we'll find our dream home and I'll get hired at a church. Go big or go home, right? So pray for that too. (and for some sleep) When we leave TX, we're flying east, to spend a couple days in FL (Jax) and a couple of days in SC (Charleston), to see some sweet friends both places; we're hoping for maximum connection time with each party involved. 5 states, all in a week's time!! Are you stressed out listening to the agenda?

#5- Meanwhile, back at the ranch: the first weekend we're gone our realtor is going to have an Open House here. Pray for someone to fall in love with our house and put an offer in for it!

#6- My September should hypothetically be relaxed. I mean, I have to write 31 pages and read a few books to finish up summer quarter. But that's it. Then I am done and done. So if I don't blog for a while, you know why...

Carpe diem. Or something like that.

Wrapping up the Gift of Time

Today is my last full day in sunny So Cal. It has been an intense, but blessed two weeks here. My last seminary class is now over, all I have left is 12 hours of exams (3 today, 9 next weekend) and to read 2 books and write 27 pages. But I have a month to do all that.

Seminary has been an amazing 5 year journey in so many ways, and I am truly grateful for the role Fuller has played in my spiritual and academic growth and vocational discernment. However, it's been somewhat of a lonely time too, so many days/nights with just books and a laptop to keep me company. When Los was overseas for all those months, I was grateful to have the distraction of books/laptop, but attending a satellite campus as I did, I have really missed the communal element of being at a main campus. Not just driving in, sitting, and leaving; but sharing life together. Part of my favorite memories of grad school will be the summer I lived in Canada, going to Regent; if solely because of the shared meals/conversations that arise out of being in proximity to one another. I love hearing people's stories and seeing where our passions connect and diverge. I think there is nothing more powerful a human can say to another than, "you too?" Loneliness is part of the human condition, and to bridge that gap by connecting with others is such a gift.

All that to say, I feel like I've been trying to cram years worth of fellowship into the past 2 weeks. There weren't many females in Seattle at school that I felt on the same page as, maybe only Lisa, whereas they are in abundance down here. I felt joy and solidarity in so many conversations, many of which would not have ended if not for the clock reminding us that "time flies when you're having fun." I had good connection time with:

KC- whom I've known 17 years now! It's special to have that history with people. She's who I stayed with, 1.5 mi. from campus.
Amie- same, bridesmaid, and my best friend from jr.high/high school years, she came down for a wedding in LA. I was so happy to see her, even if I never got to go to Magic Mountain:(
Diane- classmate
Denise- classmate
Libby- Fuller's ASB president and all-around awesome gal who makes me laugh!
Heidi- E's great friend who through FB has become my friend, she's who works for World Vision and is amazing.
Katie- I know her from FL, and we graduated together. Very like-minded and encouraging to be around! I could've have talked with her forever.
Hanna- she was in our wedding too, and I know her from Cal, she's now getting a Ph.D at UCLA and is so wonderful, I hate that I only see her every few years!

Tonight I get to see my mom and have some good hours with her too, which will be great. And then back up to my real life I go, cherishing this great gift of time with women.

My Fuller Ceremony Message

1) In the beginning: 5 years ago, almost to date, as I began seminary, I wrote this poem. It is a reflection on the gospel of John and my prayer for myself as well as for all seminarians as we journey through this chapter of life.

Clear Paradox

Unfathomable, yet made known
Glorious, yet made visible
Eternal, yet entered time
Who are you?

Mighty, yet came as a baby
Powerful, yet humble
Just, yet gracious
Who are you?

Most high, yet descended
Killed, yet ascended
Tender, yet stern
Who are you?

Always steady, yet always new
Consecrated, yet compassionate
Wildly imaginative, yet simple
Who are you?

Light-shiner, temple-cleanser, world-saver, thirst-quencher,
bondage-breaker, food-provider, humanity-teacher, dignity-restorer,
eye-opener, shelter-giver, dead-raiser, feet-washer, heart-consoler, life-sustainer,
joy-lavisher, the ultimate intercessor,
and our King!

Oh sight-giver,
May we see,
Who You are.

“Who are you?” they asked.
“Just what I have been claiming all along,” Jesus replied.
(John 8:25)


2) In the past 5 years, some of my questions about theological matters have been answered, but I have more questions now. Jesus and the Kingdom of God in all things are more expansive concepts than I’d known previously. I now realize I’ll never know it all, but seminary has taught me how to be a life-long learner.

3) During seminary God has taught me not only to expand my view of the things of God but also my view of myself and my abilities. I used to pray the prayer, “God, what do you want me to do with the rest of my life?” I entered seminary as an act of obedience, but I used to not understand how I could fit into God’s church as a leader with my varied past and unpredictable future. If I were a pro athlete, I wouldn’t have very consistent stats. Even in seminary, I have lived in 3 corners of this country, been to many states in between and 4 other continents.

This cohort is the only thing that has kept me rooted (physically) in the past 3 years, and I am grateful. So it is no surprise (in hindsight) that it was during a homework assignment for one of our classes that I heard God tell me that in becoming a pastor all of the seeming disjointed chapters of my life could come together. They have congruence.

What is your story? Do the chapters seem random? Accidental? Or purposeful? When you have some time to reflect, I’d encourage you all to see how God may be binding together those chapters and the present with integrity, with a thread of congruence, to give you a glimpse of your future.

4) Now: this is the last ½ hour of my time as a student at Fuller Northwest. This week I was in the library, and I had a funny moment with God. I appreciated the irony that after 5 years of graduate education, and maybe 500 books I’ve checked out from the library, the last book I needed, was a Narnia tale from C.S. Lewis. I went to the PZ section, and it wasn’t there; so I looked at the reference number again, and found that the book, my last seminary book, was in the youth section. And I felt like God was telling me, “remember that with all you now know, you also need to stay like a child.”

If you haven’t read these by now, I don’t feel bad ruining the ending for you, since you’ve had 50 years to read them. There is an analogy of Narnia as they had known it, which is like looking into a mirror to see something, versus experiencing the real Narnia which has such a deeper, vast beauty. Lewis contrasts what the characters thought would be this small, dark stable, with an expansive land full of light and life.

Aslan invites everyone to, “come further in and come further up!”
“I see,” Lucy said at last, thoughtfully. “I see now. This garden is like the stable. It is far bigger inside than it was outside.”
“Of course, Daughter of Eve,” said the Faun. “The further up and the further in you go, the bigger everything gets. The inside is larger than the outside.”

That’s what seminary has been for me. Like Lucy, it has enabled me to see. And the “further up and further in” I’ve journeyed, the more expansive the Kingdom has become, and I am grateful. I hope you have a similar experience in your own journeys with God and in your classes with each other.

Fuller Pasadena Graduation

The Pasadena graduation was a lot longer and more special than the Fuller Northwest graduation. About 800 of us made up the largest class ever to graduate from a seminary. All 50 states and 35 countries were represented, S. Korea dominated with about 100, but there were individuals from surprising places like Iran, Myanmar and Ethiopia. Rick Warren (aka Purpose Driven Life) was the recipient of an award (he got his D.Min at Fuller in the 90's) and gave us our benediction. It was neat to see him again (Los and I went to his church on our honeymoon, since it's right down the street from my aunt/uncle's) but it was even more special to see Earl, our pastor, there. His son-in-law finished his Ph.D. and Earl was there to support him, even if it meant flying back up immediately to preach 5 sermons in Seattle the next day!

It was special to share that accomplishment with my parents, who have seen me from pre-school though grad school.

Wearing the robe was much more uncomfortable in the CA heat!

I got to see the Dayton girls whom I know from Jacksonville, which was fun- big fan of theirs.

Back in the hotel suite relaxing. Carlos is bonding with my dad, by jumping on top of him; my dad's face cracks me up. They had a good time together being silly.

Close, but yet so far... gotta love all-nighters...

It's 12:30. In the morning. And I am 2000 words away from being done with my last Hebrew Exegesis paper ever. Which means two things: #1) I dominate Proverbs 31 and could write a book on it, or preach a sermon series at least. And #2) it's likely I won't be sleeping. But it's the last all-nighter I'll ever pull. I can almost hear the nostalgia being queued.

And sleep is overrated. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself. I can sleep on the plane to Cali. Or during my hair appt. But then my highlights may look weird.

It's a good thing I have an IV of espresso running through my veins, in spite of doctor's orders... I told the doctor, who is a psychiatrist, that the paper has the potential to make me certifiably insane otherwise; so the espresso is the lesser of two evils. True enough. I thought he, of all people, could appreciate that.

Obscure, yet interesting fact: My 1899 commentary on Proverbs titles the wisdom woman in Proverbs 31 "the ideal housewife." My 2005 commentary calls her "the woman of strength." Funny how phraseology changes in 100 years. She used to wear an apron and bake muffins. Now she's a boxing and pilates aficionado who runs a real estate business and wineries in her spare time. Hoo rah.

On other notes, if I had a dollar for every time this blog has been read; I could make up my $50,000 of tuition that's been forked over to Fuller lickity-split. REI should be paying me for the free advertisement.

Graduation: Take 1

Putting on my hood for the first time- I wanted to wear it like the Miss America contendants but that was vetoed

With Springer, Brant and On, some of the cohort-mates

Cheeks were getting a little sore by then

Grateful to have friends and fam there

New fave pic

Kiesha had a crush on my copper and green eye-shadow and made me document it

Silly huge robe

Finally we got smart and took some outside shots


It was a good day. Thanks to everyone who's sent cards/gifts/flowers, they are prominently displayed in the kitchen:)

Deadlines and Graduation...

Okay, so pray for me to feel motivation not procrastination! I have 26 pages to write in the next week- 10 of which are due tomorrow before I graduate in Seattle. Then before we head to CA to graduate down there I need to conjure up a 4 and a 12 pager... I am so checked out, my mind is running wild! Which is not helpful, by the way.

This too shall pass. I just can't wait to PLAY, and to RELAX and to see friends and fam and SUN in Cali... and then clean our house/yard so we can put it on the glorious real estate market! And go to Europe! And, and, and... you see why I get distracted from the task at hand?!

Goodbye.

and one more thing (that was my reference to John Mayer's song My Stupid Mouth, in case you missed it)

Graduation dinners:
This Saturday-5pm Lake Union BluWater Bistro, let us know if you're coming! Happy hour until 6:) And I am planning to be happy.

Next Friday-6pm in Pasadena Twin Palms.
Next Saturday- 3pm bbq at my aunt/uncle's in the OC, in Lake Forest (right by Rick Warren's Saddleback Church). Their backyard is straight out of my dreams (or magazines), come if you can!

The Death of My Evangelical Computer

First off- a little history lesson: I am a smidgen evangelical, mostly Reformed Christian. Among other things, this means I resonate with Luther, Calvin and others, who, 500 years ago, stood up to the Catholic Church and said, "no, people- we aren't saved by paying off our sins (the purchase of indulgences was quite popular back then, the richer you were, the more you could sin- a good gig if you were wealthy)." Rather, as Scripture says, we are saved by grace, through faith.

Reformed Christians, then, put a lot of weight down on that grace, given to us at the cross. This is fleshed out differently than our evangelical siblings in faith, who place a heavy weight on a "personal decision," a "come to Jesus" moment. Those are the people that have altar calls. That memorize four spiritual "laws" and knock on doors. That go "bring Jesus" to the "unevangelized" in our cities and around the world, without authentic relationships or context. For them, that singular moment takes the cake. "When were you saved?" is a question that evangelicals ask. And God forbid you die without "accepting Jesus as your personal savior," though you'd be hard-pressed to find that kind of language in the Bible...

Reformed Christians, however, put more weight on God's sovereignty; it's not about when I accepted Christ, but about living into the identity, the freedom that we can have because of and in Christ. I wasn't saved on Feb. 20, 1994 when I heard the gospel, I was saved 2000 years ago on a cross at calvary, I just happened to realize it in 1994, and then only by God's revelation. And I am continually learning what that means and the rest of my life will be discovering how to "become what I am."

All this to say, my computer died yesterday. It has been "dying" for a while now, but I was hoping it would make it through the summer- call me stubborn, but I freaking wanted to finish my Master's with it. Alas, it was not to be. I had just installed Biblical software in the morning, which was the last thing it could take. Carlos came home and when I told him what had happened, he joked that my computer was waiting to accept Jesus on it's deathbed and then it was at peace and ready to go.
If you were a theology student like me, you'd appreciate the irony there. So RIP, my iBook G3. You've lived a good, long life. Now MacBook here I come!!!

Summarize Your Life in a Paragraph

I hate when people tell me to do this, I am way too verbose... But alas, this one is for the graduation brochure, so I'll do anything for that! Since most of you can't come to my Seattle or LA graduations, here's my lil snippet.

During my 5 (long) years at Fuller, I: lived in 3 corners of the country, went abroad 4 times, married my best friend Carlos, bought a house and the world's best dog, Burly. Needless to say, it has been a full, rich, stimulating time in life. I have been inspired, challenged, blessed and formed by so many professors, classes and readings. I am grateful. When I entered seminary, I had only a vague idea of what the future held for me. I heard God very clearly, while doing an assignment for a FNW class, and now I know and anticipate my vocation as a Presbyterian minister. Thank you all for your passion, wisdom, humor and grace.

p.s. If you DO want to come, LET me know, I'll get you tickets. And we'll have a party both places, yet TBD. It's so amazing to reflect on everything that's happened in 5 years! I grew up so much and am so stoked for the future now...

GRADUATION

For those who've been asking for info, here's a little of what I found for the CA graduation:

Commencement will be held Saturday, June 14, at 10:00 a.m. at Lake Avenue Church, 393 North Lake Avenue, in Pasadena. The service itself will last a little more than two hours. The auditorium will be open for admission beginning at 8:30 a.m. In order to ensure adequate preferred seating for the families of all graduates, admission will require a Family Early Admission Pass until 9:30 a.m., at which time admission will be open to all. All graduates will receive an application for Family Early Admission Passes. There will be no fixed number of passes allocated per graduate. However, in order to ensure adequate and appropriate seating for the families of graduates, these passes will normally be available for family members only.

I have no idea how many people are graduating, doctoral candidates and master's-level students are all together. This place is massive, and will hopefully accomodate everyone with ease if you get there early enough. For our family, and my high school and college friends, we'll have some kind of get together that day as well, yet to be planned. We're staying (with JJ and Lisa Kissinger too) at the Embassy Suites in Arcadia, which KC told me is maybe 10 minutes away.

This is less than two months away! I can't wait! I will have announcements to distribute soon-ish.

I'll keep you posted on the small WA graduation, which is the previous Saturday. After 5 long years, what great celebrations those will be! Los and I want to have a WA party as well, some time this summer; but likely after our celebration trip to England, Greece and Turkey.

Mandy Moore, my inspiration?

Soon to have a graduate degree in hand, I like to think of myself as intelligent, so I don’t even know how to start this blog. I’m just gonna throw it out there: I like movies made for teenagers. Or younger, even. When Los is home, we spend money on more intellectual, or fast-paced, suspenseful, etc. genres of movies. Usually. Actually, we had free tickets last winter that I used, dragging him to see Enchanted. He endured it like a champ, that is love! Not gonna lie, I cried. I don’t know what it is, but every time he leaves, I go to my neighbor’s houses and borrow all kinds of cheesy, sappy movies that we usually would never watch together. Chick flicks galore, and things like Princess Diaries and Bring it On. I mean, what?
I almost feel like writing this is some kind of confession, but it’s laughable. It seems incongruous with the rest of my personhood- but I love movies like this! I remember a couple of years ago, I went with Kathleen and Mallory Cummins to see 13 Going On 30. Mallory was the age the movie was geared toward, yet she sat there with an embarrassed/incredulous look on her face while her mom and I cried! Ha!
My new favorite is Chasing Liberty, a couple of years old, but I just watched it this week for the first time. And then I may or may not have watched it four more times... Come on, I was multi-tasking! I’ve already confessed my slight infatuation with daughters of Presidents. I mean, if I’m never gonna be one, I would at least like to meet one. But so far the closest I’ve come to actualizing that dream is watching movies about First Daughters.
The movie is shot in Prague, Venice, Berlin, London and D.C., some of the world’s most awesome cities. I went to Prague before it was a big deal, in 1999; and it is so gorgeous! I went to the ballet Swan Lake there, a memory I won’t soon forget. In Chasing Liberty Mandy Moore and the guy (my new fave Brit, Matthew Goode) have a cool scene watching an opera from a rooftop. I think I’ve only been to the Opera once, in Vienna, Austria- and that was just because everyone else was doing it. But I’ve never really been into it. So Mandy Moore’s character inspired me to learn about opera some, and to try going to a couple. I learned that Vancouver, Seattle and San Francisco’s operas all have some interesting performances coming up. I figure I should experience Puccini and others’ creations in person rather than on YouTube or Wikipedia, which is what I have done this week. So anyone up for some culture, holler at your girl. Or if you have more chick flicks to recommend, you could holler at me as well☺

And p.s. to all closet Mandy Moore fans, her new album sounds cool, she collaborated with awesome people like Lori McKenna, The Weepies, Chantal Kreviazuk, and a guy who produced John Mayer.

GRATITUDE: the Anti-Anxiety

When you’re having anxiety attacks the first week of the year, that is not a good sign. This feeling of panic has become a weekly feature in my life, kind of like taking the garbage cans out on Thursdays, just another thing I’m growing accustomed to. I don’t like this about myself.

I’ll be honest, 2008 has been a little rough on me, so far. It came out of nowhere. I mean, 2007 was full of growth and memories and joy and then BAM, all of a sudden it’s 2008, and I’m having anxiety attacks every time I look at a calendar, day-planner, or think of all that is going to transpire this year (graduating, trying to get pregnant, moving who knows where). 2008 always seemed like a year far off in the distance, I knew it was coming, but apparently I wasn’t emotionally ready!

Theologically, I know that God is in control of my life and will aid me through every situation I face; he is with me, doesn’t forsake me, and equips me with everything I need. So I’ve been trying to figure out how to be relaxed and productive, honoring the many tasks at hand. My friend Jordyn was commenting on how she doesn’t understand how you surrender things to God and feel peace, because it’s those anxious times (when things have piled up and she feels the weight on her shoulders) that she is most productive.

She made me think, and I realized that she’s on to something, because WE are God’s agents in this world, we are his hands and feet, and we can’t just pray for God to figure out our lives and then just wait around lazily. Sure, ask for miracles, but pursue what you want too. I mean, the Christian jargon of, “I’m just waiting for a door to open,” is kind of obnoxious sometimes. I mean, I get it, but who was I listening to, Donald Miller, that said sometimes you need to kick closed doors in if that’s where you’re passionate about being…

So how can I go through this year, which will undoubtedly be busier than any other year of my 29 years of existence, as well as full of unknown pieces, and feel at rest? I’m not sure, but I think the answer is gratitude. When I left the library last Tuesday and felt that ball of anxiety in my stomach consuming my internal organs, I just looked at the sky and said,

“God, thank you that there’s a blue sky in January. Thank you that I can breathe, that I have legs to walk uphill with right now. Thanks for our new Prius, which I love, and thanks that I get to meet with fantastic college girls every week. Thanks that we have more friends than our schedule has time for. Thanks that we’re pursuing our dreams and living with passion, even if that includes scary ambiguity. Thanks that I have the best partner I could imagine for my journey through life, and that you are teaching me about my life’s calling in ministry. Thanks that you are the giver of good gifts to my life; they are abundant, even when I forget about them, and I am grateful!”

As I drove to Hebrew, reflecting on all of these things I am grateful for, the anxiety started to ebb, and I started to feel his peace. I wish I could say it lasted the rest of the week, or even all day long, but that’s not true. But it was there, and it was awesome... So I’m going to try to develop this regular practice of gratitude in this crazy season, to proclaim all the ways God has been faithful and a deliverer, hopefully increasing my trust that once again, as always, he will come through for his child. Because I know he will. I have tasted, I have seen, and I know that the Lord is good.

On being Canadian (for a summer)...

Because we want to move abroad, and in honor of JJ/Lisa moving to Canada (and starting a blog!), here is an old journal entry I wrote after summer school at Regent (which I LOVED and would recommend to anyone!! It's amazing...)

---
After two months of cultural immersion in our neighbor to the north, not only do I have more of an affection for maple syrup and the phrase “eh” than ever before, but I’ve come to some other realizations…

First of all, any travel mag could’ve told you this, but Vancouver is an awesome city! I have appreciated it SO much in my short 2 months here. The design is really awesome and public transportation is great here, which not too many US cities can boast about. I love all the parks and trails and water, so even though you’re in a metropolis, there are still untainted stretches of land that you can feel are your sacred spaces. And the beaches are great! Who knew?! The restaurants, culture, museums, fashion, nightlife and access to outdoor activity abound here…

However, there are things that stress me out, such as the high taxes, and major 2-way roads with no dividers (which give us Americans at least a semblance of safety.) Also, the blinking traffic lights give me a headache, as does getting an interrogation while crossing the border. The most bizarre car-related thing I noticed, was that right at 3pm every day, out of nowhere, comes a mass of tow-trucks, which swarm around downtown like vultures looking for prey. Beware… Don’t say I didn’t tell you. Luckily I escaped being one of their victims.

I guess I used to think of Canada as the U.S.’s “little brother to the north” (embarrassing to say, but true.) I am glad that I got the chance this summer to get to know how different (way more liberal!!!) it is, and how a different government than ours works, including hearing about socialized medicine (which can be really awesome (free surgery) or really sucky (when you go to the E.R. and wait forever)). All in all, it was a great experience; any place that has the French language on their groceries and that invents it’s own holidays “just because”, like B.C. Day, is just cool. Why don’t we have Seattle Day? Or California Day? No work, just because you happen to live there… Someone should start this up in the States, I’m telling you…

Channeling John Calvin

Last summer I went to some of the major sites of the Protestant Reformation, including John Calvin’s church and grave in Geneva, Switzerland. Maybe this seems boring or dorky to you, but I love the history of our faith and am captivated by some of the brave members of our ecclesial family from the past. I didn’t realize how much I might need their help and knowledge until this week. Less than three weeks from now I will be attempting to take my Presbyterian Ordination exams in ‘theology,’ ‘polity’ and ‘worship and sacraments.’ Life is tremendously busy for us right now (beyond school and the hospital, plus friends and family) which I’ll write about next, but this blog is to ask for prayer for those exams. Most people who take them study a lot and take courses to prep them on the various parts they entail; yeah, I’ve done neither…

So I’m going to try to learn as much as I can in 3 weeks before the 9 hours of testing is upon me, but I would appreciate any prayer I can get. The exams cost $70 each, and let’s be honest, I really don’t want to pay to take them again. Also, we may be moving before they are offered again, another reason I feel pressure to pass them. I hope that they end up feeling like a blessing to me, as the two I’ve already passed did (the Bible Content Exam and the Biblical Exegesis Exam). Please pray that I can focus on and take in the material I need to know, and articulate it in a coherent and witty way on the 25th-26th of this month. Muchas gracias.

Our Christmas "Update"

Happy Holidays from the Evans family! We look forward to hearing about your year. Carlos was gone about 6 months again this year, for deployments to the Middle East. In his last tour, he was the Mission Commander, and this fall he was promoted to be an Instructor Pilot. When he came home we bought him a new Prius, which we love (50 mpg!) and he just ran his 5th Half-Marathon with his best friend Erik. I have kept busy with school (I’ll finish my Master’s this summer!), being a chaplain in the ICU at a local hospital, mentoring college students, traveling 10 weeks myself, and gardening at our house (over 400 things planted, including a vegetable garden, which was fun).
When he was home in spring, we went to Australia for two weeks. Beforehand, we didn’t really care where we went; we were just looking forward to spending some concentrated time together. However, snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef is now among the top highlights of our lives: the brilliant rainbow of sea life was breathtaking. Queensland is a lot like CA or HI, without all the people and development; really peaceful and restorative. If you’re up for an adventure, we highly recommend it!
This summer when Los was gone, I hung out with my family in CA, and visited my bro, who was playing baseball in Switzerland. I took my mom, who’d never been to Europe before, around Switzerland, N. Italy (Lake Como, Cinque Terre), the S. of France and Paris. It was special to be with them in countries I love, and to show my mom where Los proposed to me in France.
Los and I love to see the world and are now gearing up for our next trip, with our great friends, the Flory’s, to South America. We’ll hike a lot, ride horses and kayak in Patagonia, and see Santiago and Buenos Aires. We leave the 4th, which is why you’re getting this early? We’ll be back in Seattle for the holidays and hope to spend time with as many of you as possible!
p.s. by this time next year, we will have sold our house (yikes) and moved somewhere in the country/world (unknown to us at this point), so PLEASE keep in touch. Our blog is a great way to stay connected, we regularly write and post photos, and would love to stay up to date in your lives as well. You can reach us at www.caseandlos.blogspot.com no matter where we go!

Blessed Chaos and Counseling

I feel like my brain might explode, there’s so much going on in life right now. I don’t think I realized it since it’s just this season of my life, and when you’re in that state, you’re going day by day, and don’t get the bigger perspective; but a pastor I met with last week said that Los and I have so many active components and ambiguities that it is really stressful. With all of Los’ traveling, my school, ordination exams, moving (somewhere?) next summer, contemplating selling our house and pregnancy, and me working at the hospital now (on top of our other investments, friends and family) there’s just so much happening. In a really good way, it’s painful, all of this learning that is happening; but it’s to the point where I’m having a hard time fitting everything new in my brain.
I love being at the hospital, which is stretching me and challenging me. Something that’s very important to me is that my life has integrity, so practicing awareness of ‘resistance’ takes so much work, for introspection and healing. We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves, so whenever we get upset about something, looking at why that issue pushed our buttons is a hard task!
So Los and I might start doing some counseling, to be set up for success. We have started talking about starting a family, but we’d like to feel as healthy as possible before that, since everyone counsels us that when your family expands, issues can be exacerbated. We don’t really have problems, but we certainly experience ‘resistance’ toward some things the other does or says; I don’t know if it’s possible to ‘fix’ that or not; but we could stand to grow in awareness of the deeper issues which trigger little explosions from time to time. Starting to practice this discipline has taken me off (and others off) any high horse. Now I am noticing flaws, or ‘growing areas,’ all the time! So we’ll see where we go from here? Growth is always good, and even if it’s painful, I am glad for it. It’s certainly not boring!

Thank God for Pumpkin Spice Lattes...

Seriously. They are back in your friendly neighborhood Starbucks (or in my case, one of the many Starbucks' in the neighborhood), and their timing couldn't be better; boy do I need them... The joys of grad. school. Inspired by my friend Nick, I thought I'd do a countdown of my insanity. For one of this week's 3 exams, in the next 10 hours (note, that would mean I will not sleep tonight, hence the gratitude to Starbucks for the quad-shot venti latte) I have to write 15 pages by 6am. Why 6am? Because then I have to drive to school to turn it in. There's no emailing or mailing this one in, it must be hand-delivered, l-a-m-e. And then I turn around on the freeway and start reading for my second one, due by midnight on Saturday... And I did mention that I fell down the stairs and my neck/back feel like I was in a car accident, didn't I? But, alas, I have no time to go to the hospital until at least tomorrow. Maybe I can read in the waiting room.

Oh don't you all miss school? Good times. Wish me luck. As I always say, it's not the writing of 15 pages that I have a problem with, it's the figuring out what to say for 15 pages that gets me... Here goes...

Whirlwind summer

So my plan was to write about Australia right after we got back. But then life happened, and it's now a month later... Between the catch up in yard work, playing with friends, 3 summer school classes and a week in Pebble Beach/Carmel, CA with family for the 4th- time flew! And now I have a week until I go to Europe, in which I have to do a Greek mid-term, an Ethics final, write 13 pages, and interview for a chaplaincy job at a hospital... Plus my college pastor's leaving our church this weekend, which I'm grieving, and I have a retreat this weekend. Whew.

So I hope I can make time to write about AUS some time. I'm not sure if I'm a poor steward of my writing, or if I'm not in a season where writing needs to happen as frequently as it used to. I feel blessed when I do it, and other people always encourage that gift in me, but it doesn't seem to be happening naturally. I don't know, do you know what I mean? Some gifts you always do, and others come and go with seasons?

Anyway, it was a great trip. I shared some it in a sermon I gave last month; I could post that part up...

Long-Haul Truckers and Seminary...

God works in funny ways. Over the past few years that I've been in seminary, many people have asked me why I am seeking a Theology degree. For people who aren't Christians, they just look at me like I'm an alien (it's a great way to immediately end a conversation with a stranger, let me tell you...) They think it's a waste of $50G and my time... For some that are Christians, I've gotten the responses ranging from, "But you're a woman, you can't be a pastor!" to, "If you love God, and want to serve him in ministry, why do you need a degree? Why can't you just use the Bible as your manual and trust the spirit will lead you?"

Usually I just let words fumble around in my mouth as I try to articulate the importance of the education I'm receiving. To learn about the history of the church is to learn about its present state and its future. To learn about the context in which Scripture is written, and the original languages in which its written, makes a huge difference in comprehension of the text. To learn about the variety of ways people interpret it, and experience God, around the world is eye-opening and humbling. E.g. God is not white, middle-class, American Republican, who knew?! Who said that, "if God has made us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated?" Voltaire, maybe, but that is so true... So seminary has been a great experience of growth of knowledge, reverence, and many other things for which I'm grateful.

However, I've never been as affirmed in my pursuit of education, as when I read a recent New York Times article regarding deregulation of long-haul trucking and its inherent dangers. The article featured the story of a 19-year old young man, who was on his first cross-country trip. Because of cuts made during the Bush administration to his "field of expertise", he'd scarcely been trained at all. His instructor was a mere 21, with one whole year of trucking under his belt... clearly qualified, right? So they spent a week or two, "learning the ropes" and took off from the west coast, heading east.

A couple of days later, after 12 hours of driving (while his instructor slept in the back of the cab most of the time), this tired young man plowed into the back of a Jeep, which had a 62 year old woman in it. The Jeep was pushed off an embankment and the woman died on impact.

As I sat there reading about this, I thought, THIS is why I'm in seminary. (No, not to become a long-haul truck driver) Because more education and training in his vocation, before hitting the road and being tested, could have saved that woman's life. Not everything can be learned in books, of course, much of the artistry of any vocation comes in the 'doing' of it. As my mom always says, she earned her Ph.D. and then learned how to be a psychologist... But the practice, the training that goes into earning the degree should set you up for later success in life.

As anyone who follows media stories surrounding people who've missed the mark in our vocation, Ted Haggard being one of the latest, can attest; more training, before investing in, and building up a ministry can not hurt. It can help you be aware of yourself, strengths, and more importantly, weaknesses. It can help you build a team of complementary gifting, and partner with a larger group of people with whom there is accountability, checks/balances. It can help you be sensitive/relevant to the particular dynamics of your congregation.

Anyway, enough of my soapbox, but now I have a parable to go along with my answer for the next time someone at a party, or on a plane, asks me that question. And as for that young man, pray for him... I'm not sure if he's in jail now; all I know is that he's being sued by the woman's family. He was just a guy, trying to make it in this world, and wasn't set up for success. It's a sad situation, but hopefully it won't be the defining experience in his life, there's so much more to live for...