We have no idea how to be good parents. Like zero. We think we will be good parents, but really, we have no experience in this realm. Foreign territory. Babysitting here and there, nannying in college for good, disciplined, older kids is NOT the same as the journey we are about to embark on in 2 months with baby Claire. This has never really alarmed me until the past 3 hours when we both wanted to strangle the little maniac sitting (un)fortunately RIGHT BEHIND us on the plane to TX. I'm not just talking about kicks in the back, here, folks. From the moment we got on the plane, when he was screaming ad nauseum, "I WANT a TOY, GIVE ME that car, I WANT a DRINK, I WANT a SNACK!!!!!!!!"" everyone within earshot of him said, "You know what we want? We want duct tape..." THEN he ran down the aisle away from his mom. Great. And to bribe him back to the seat, he was given candy and juice. SUGAR!!!!! JUST what he needed to calm right down. UNbelievable. And his mom said to me, "I wonder why he hasn't taken his nap yet?" You wonder?! He is so spooled up, even with earplugs his piercing voice has been plaguing me the past 3 hours. He has been tearing pages out of books, hitting his mom, you name it, little Everett has tried it, totally dominating his mom. Los is biting his fingernails in stress and I am freaking out, because we only imagine Claire as angelic. What if her tendency is to be demonic as well? What do we do? How do you discipline and give good boundaries? Neither of us had a model that would be helpful to us now growing up (his was more strict than we'd like, mine was more lenient than we'd like) so we need some advice. That's where you come in.
We just left our great friends, the Flory's, who are already 2.5 months into being awesome parents. They showed us some cool books they have used as resources, and I thought I would ask you all in blog-dom as well; what are tools you've used and read to become great parents of great infants and toddlers. Do tell, oh wise ones. We are all ears!
4 comments:
First off, you both need to enter the Twitterverse. I recently took the plunge, it's a different world. A great way to keep everyone posted on the latest with baby Claire, life, love, adventures etc. Look me up @eyebishop
Parenting 101 - cabish style.
#1 - write down the pros and cons of the model you were raised with. Throw out the cons.
#2 - just when you think you have 'it' figured out, you will quickly realize, you don't. Why? because they grow up, changing before your eyes. Sounds cliche, but it's the truth. Parenting a 2 year old is very different than parenting a 17 year old. V-E-R-Y different. Parenting is a fluid process.
#3 - be open to learning. General parenting principles you may read in a book here or there, simply may not apply to Claire. Adjust to her love languages, be flexible, set reasonable age appropriate boundaries and don't set the bar so high that it comes crashing down when you least expect it. Allow yourselves and Claire to make mistakes, lots of them.
#4 - a number of years ago Annie and I took a class called Love and Logic. It wasn't half bad. I took away some funny nuggets - for example -- if you're on the family road trip and the kids are getting restless, acting up, saying naughty things .... stop the car on the side of the road. You have a couple options 1. start making out in front of the kids -- they'll quickly quiet down (we've tried this, it worked) 2. have folding chairs in the back at all times with a good book. park the car on the side of the road, get out, open up the chairs and start reading (the kiddos won't like this one much) -- those were some fun Love and Logic examples.
#4 - you can't love them enough. In the end, that's all they really need.
#5 - read, read, read!
#6 - remember that you're relationship with Claire will last exponentially longer with her as an adult, than as a child. That's hard to imagine when you're at the start line, but it's heavy duty.
So there are 6 CaBish Parenting Principles for March 22nd. That's all I got at 11:50pm. Time for bed.
Love you guys,
Bish
We heart this list, particularly #4, so funny! And #6, never heard that one before, good one for perspective:)
I love all of the Dr Sears books... "The Birth Book" made me feel so ready for birth..so empowered. I also loved "Attachment Parenting" and "The Discipline Book" I think its pretty balanced...Cohen is remarkably well attached and secure and happy and learning to obey...despite a lot of tense things happening in his first two years.
If nothing else, read the Birth Book. Its very insightful!
Great thoughts from your friend above with the list. I'd agree to all of those and add a few more:
1.Remember that no matter how tired, frustrated, angry, etc...you get, it's only one day. In (usually) just a few hours, that day will be over and everyone will wake up the next day refreshed and with a clean slate...
2.Remember your new role of "parent" has been done by thousands of others before you! Rely on them, lean on them, and PRAY your heart out. You'll need all the help you can get! It's HARD, but totally worth the blood, sweat, and tears! (and the poop, vomit, spit up, mushy food in your hair, etc...).
3.Have fun. Remember the "stuff" around the house can get done later, during naps, after bedtimes, etc...but your time with your baby/toddler/etc...CAN NEVER BE REPLACED. Just like at your wedding, you need to step back some days and just "take it all in" to appreciate things.
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