Do any of you know what you are interested in and good at, and yet not utilize your talents? Be it from lack of time or opportunity? How do you deal with that?
Today I found myself in tears on the way home from church. Part of the sermon about 1 Corinthians 12 stirred me. The pastor spoke a small side note about the loss experienced when you aren't using your gifting, which resonated with me. After the past 10 years living around the country, in volunteer and paid positions in ministry, I know what I'm good at and passionate about. And I had grand hopes after seminary of entering a position at a church or a hospital, to bless others and be blessed as I served.
The past year has looked quite different than that.
This is not to complain... In so many ways, this has been a very rich season of life. Though Texas is our "wilderness," even the wilderness is full of life! After a rough beginning, we found our rhythm as parents, and truly I couldn't enjoy Claire more. Staying at home with her is a gift. She is a great baby and I'm grateful to have the chance to love her and get to know her. She is going to be one cool and powerful person, and we are lucky to be able to steward her life. She is wild, Carlos thinks she's just like me. We are going to be given a run for our money if so... Need to harness that energy. And I feel partially fulfilled in being her mom.
Yet, in the stillness, I know that I am not using all the gifts I was created with in full... and I feel a loss in that. I have tried to use my gifts in different capacities, with new student pilots and their wives, with new moms, with neighbors, with friends. I have entered into the depths with people in tragedy, going through divorce, facing lay-offs, or monumental hurdles in their personal lives. God can always use a willing heart to serve. I was asked to take a position in Los' squadron, we were asked to lead a Marriage Enrichment group... we are discovering the rhythm or work and volunteering coupled with parenthood; it's quite different than when we were single, with only ourselves to consider!
I just don't want to get stagnant. I don't want to atrophy. The best analogy I can think of is of a race horse, who is trapped in it's stall. I am chomping at the bit, but I have nowhere to go. And my muscles are atrophying from being stuck. So those of you who are so inclined, please pray that I will not get complacent or forgetful of my passions during this interesting season of life. In the day in and day out humdrum of life, it is easy to ignore the depths of your heart and what really makes you on fire. At least it is for me. But I met a girl a couple of weeks ago, a college student who is home for a break from school. She is hurting, because her brother tragically died recently. Another brother just left for the Middle East. I barely know her yet, but in meeting her, all these things started stirring in me, and if she allows me to get to know her, I can't wait to lavish her with love. Meeting her reminded me who I am and what I'm good at. So I hope.
And I hope that you have people in your life who remind you who you are. We are not defined by our present circumstances, but something, someone much greater.
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