This sweet little man (Judah Pendleton, 1 day old) is who made me address the topic...
This is a question I have wrestled with for years now. It's an uncomfortable question to have, because it is hard to dialogue with anyone about it- everyone has SUCH strong opinions on the subject. My parents are gungho on getting some grandkids out of me. My mom even offers to raise them! Every mom I know defines themself in terms of their motherhood (and rightly so). And those without kids (I'll admit, I only know a few women that aren't ever planning to have kids) think their way of things is best.
I have found myself in the middle ground, not identifying with either side entirely. I think that my whole life as a Christian, I have felt like I might adopt a kid some day. The Biblical concept that we are all 'adopted' as children of God is something that resonates with me. When I married Carlos, he too, shared that desire, so I think I put it off on the backburner as something for a decade from now... But then he/others started bringing up the topic of having a baby...
And all my married friends started having one, two, three, even four kids... And I am really excited for them. But when people asked when we might have kids, I would fumble around, and give an answer like 2010. (I am not sure if I said that only b/c it sounded far away at the time) Sometimes I wondered if my 'maternal-clock' was broken? I've never really had the urge to create a life. When I think of adopting, I think about a 7 year old, I don't think infant.
My mom, and those educated on child development speak about the formative first 3 years of a life, and how necessary it is for us to parent and mold an infant. But something in me is just not interested in that very much. I mean, conceptually, I'm all for it, but in reality, when would be a good time to become parents? To lose sleep, to put my career on hold? I think I would be a great parent to an elementary school aged kid, but to a newborn? I just don't know.
So last week, I met our friends' new baby Judah, in the hospital. And he is perfect. And he has my color of hair. And it was the first time I thought, hey, maybe I want one of these? I asked Los, who was astounded, about what he thought about having a baby. He had given up on me, b/c I'm usually so anti. I did the math, and figured that 9 mos. from now, I will be finished with grad. school (which was one of my goals). We'll be moving somewhere else in the country, or world, and maybe that new chapter will include becoming parents?
I don't know. I have all this cognitive dissonance, b/c most pastor's families I know, have a hard time sharing attention with the congregation. I have felt called to be a shepherd in that capacity... And I want to be faithful to that. But if I became a mom too, I would want to give my utmost to our family also. I know women do both. But most were in their mid-30's, "putting in their dues full-time", before they became moms.
So I have no answers. But I'm thinking about it. I'm a big fan of Judah Pendleton. Who knew a 1 day old could make such an impression on me!
1 comment:
well, well..you've been bitten! we didn't plan cohen, but now i cannot imagine life without him. the first few months were a fog, but now he's sitting up by himself, playing, standing, learning sign language (just 2 so far), and sometimes i just find myself staring at him wondering how the earth could keep spinning without him! its been very hard at times, but it didn't feel as difficult when i held him close. i functioned on something more elusive than sleep and found that there is a giving in motherhood i have found unparalleled.
you guys would make amazing parents.. to an infant of your own or a needy 7 year old or BOTH.
i am excited you are thinking about it.
love and miss you
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