Today was one of my favorite days at the hospital so far. I met a woman who’s husband was in the ICU, about five minutes before the doctor came in to withdraw his life support. We sat there together, sometimes in silence, sometimes talking, watching him breathe his last breaths. It was a sacred space. I have seen all kinds of addictions and tragedies in the ER and ICU, but nothing has struck me like this woman’s love for her dying husband.
She was simultaneously strong and vulnerable as she shared what the process has been like for her. To see him being relieved of pain brought her joy, but the thought of being without him made her heart feel “so heavy, it’s like my legs won’t be able to support myself.”
They have been married 35 wonderful years. She told me lovely stories of their decades together, including the last words he spoke to her. A week ago, when she took away his dinner tray as she always did, he said, “thank you, my love.” Those are the last words his lips uttered.
Today, as he lay there gasping his last few breaths, she held his thin, frail, purple-skinned hands, and looked at him adoringly. She took a cloth and wet it, then wiped his face. Then she went to her purse and got out a comb, and smoothed out his hair. Small, unnecessary actions, done with such great, lavish love. It makes me think of the last night of Christ’s life, when he washed the feet of the disciples. Unnecessary, and about the last thing I would do if it was my last night on earth; but he chose to serve those he loved.
After a while longer in the room, she decided to go get something to eat in our cafeteria. As I walked her to the elevator, she asked about my marriage. I shared a bit, then thanked her for letting me share such a beautiful and moving last moment with her beloved companion. Before she stepped on to the elevator, she said, “I’ll always have the memories, I’ll carry those with me. Make sure you and Carlos make LOTS of good memories. Save for your retirement too, but go home today and tell him you want to make memories, that’s what life is about.”
Amen. I pray that we and all of our friends can live such lives, FULL of adventures and great memories, so that at the end of our time on earth we can look back on our lives and say, “Thank you, my love.”
2 comments:
Case...you're sharing such great stuff on your blog these days! I'm sitting here after reading this post, all misty-eyedm feeling quite shallow about my blog. :)
But really...this is beautiful...and all I can think is how perfectly gifted you are to be a presence like this for someone. I'm inspired!
Thanks friend, CPE has been amazing, I hope you get to do it; I am learning so much... it's all about becoming a whole person, and embracing your weaknesses. Great stuff.
A couple gals on MySpace wrote that this left them in tears too. So at least your blog makes people laugh:)
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