I should be sleeping. I tried to go to bed 3 hours ago. I’ve been checking the clock since 11:30. My mind won’t turn off. Does a spoonful of Nutella have that much caffeine? Is it excitement about graduation? Anxiety about finding a job and a new home? Anticipation of traveling this summer? And in years to come? (Asia, the Caribbean, Africa and World Cup?) Talking about getting Burly a sister again- a Pug, or maybe another breed? Decisions, decisions. Making lists in my head. Things on back burners and things on front burners of our lives. Thinking about buying and selling furniture, yet wanting to live simply. It’s hard to have a “style” when your location and space changes every few years. Rustic pine? Espresso? Glass? Wood? New? Antique? Who knows! Where and when will we end up somewhere? We hope we land permanently in CA, but are we the kind of people that land permanently? We’ll never stop exploring, but is it in our DNA to settle? There’s so much to experience in life! So much wonder, so much beauty and creativity. We are on the cusp of new life, full of surprises around every corner, I can feel it, it makes me hyper and giddy. The yearning to experience as much as possible in this life makes me ache! It makes me want to burst!
Yet it’s 2am. And I should be sleeping. I’ve done all my tricks, performed all my acrobatics, went pee another time, closed the shutters even more tightly. Cuddled with my dog. Put him in another room, so I don’t hear him snoring. It’s raining outside. That should be soothing. My husband is sleeping next to me. I put my ice-block feet on his warm legs. Listening to him breathe should be soothing. Yet here I am, twiddling my thumbs at 2am. There must have been something in that Nutella.
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